Wednesday 25 June 2014

Man Talk 30th June 2014

Well that's that England's participation in this years World Cup is over and what a relief, no more listening to all those ex. Players now wannabe pundits,  spouting pure dross about our chances of going all the way ....
With all those squill ions of pounds they earn you'd think that they would  spend a bit of it on some voice coaching. Instead we had panel after panel of ex pros so wooden you could build a fence with them

But a special places in football commentary hell needs to be set aside for Phil Neville, the barrel was well and truly scrapped when Phil was handed microphone duty for the  England Italy game  I'm not sure    What got the most complaints the team or Phil's grim reaper comments  if the team didn't have this kiss of death already Phil wheeled his words of misery and doom like doctor death on a call out. But give him his due he was big enough to laugh about it later despite the tons of abuse he received, he said on twitter at least he was happy that he'd  helped some people get to sleep. 

They do say silence is golden, so perhaps it might have been a good idea if old golden balls himself  David Beckham had  let his feet do the talking rather than his mouth during his recent Brazilian  rainforest adventure. He looked his usual grizzled and rugged self as he travelled down the amazon and it was all going so well until he opened his mouth. Not so much  a Bear Grylls growl more a Joe Pasquale squeak It's a pity his vocal skills don't compare with his  footballing ones. From head to toe he's faultless. It's just when he opens his mouth that it all goes wrong. I think Sky have now recognised his short comings and are playing to his strengths, in his latest sky sports ads he smiles and looks pretty but says nothing. And why should he speak, as the song goes  you say it best when you say nothing at all. And does Becks really need a voice? No, not really being silent never harmed the careers of Charlie Chaplin Mr Bean or even his wife

Who knows come the next World Cup, listening to all those terrible commentators may be unnecessary, with the rise of the 'emoji' those little humorous with a little 'h' characters that people add to texts and messages. They are fast becoming an international language of their own and with another 250 characters being added next month these little icons could do away with the need for words all together and we could be communicating on a global level with just pictures. In the future the saying a picture paints a thousand words could actually become true! 

So that's it for another 4 years as Brian clough the Gu'ovener of tv pundits so aptly put it on paper we are a good team unfortunately we play on grass

Someone offered me a CD the other day and my first thought was what an I going to do with that? It's a stupid size won't fit in my pocket and needs something even bigger to play it on. Never mind the fact that only contains about 12 songs, just think you'd  have to carry a bag of about 75 CDs  around to match the ultra slim pocket size phone music combo in your pocket. And don't get me started on the ratio of books to kindles. How quickly we move on! 

Demand for CDs may be dying but  Vinyl records are going  from strength to strength. So much so that not satisfied with having the  Beatles back catalogue digitally remastered on black plastic you can now get it in the original mono format. I can't believe that people really want to listen to  tinny scratchy jumpy toned versions of John Paul George and Ringo classics  

In Ancient Greece it was said that you could never be considered a great leader unless you had a big belly. Having just returned from holiday and looked at myself in the mirror I now consider my self ready to stand for election! 


Tuesday 10 June 2014

Man Talk 15th June 2014




Michael Corleone once said 'Just when I thought I was out, they dragged me back in. I'm having a bit of a Godfather moment myself right now over the World Cup. Never planned to be a fan of the England thing. Or a believe the hype 'this is our year'. And so the stupid o'clock kick off times the over soled over priced over there blue eyed boys of Woy's 23 were all good reasons to turn off and turn in (to bed) . But here I am two days in blurry eyed having stayed up for the 3rd night in a row until past two in the morning to watch football catch up. So what happened? Looks like they made me an offer I couldn't refuse! 

And for once nobody is actually predicting we are going to win the thing. Celebrity pundits such as James Corden got it right he said this week 'Its the Hope that kills you' Prepare for dissapointment. Even Ex. England captain Rio Ferdinand warned fans to keep the expectations low. But perhaps Proffesor Steven Hawkings one of the greatest minds of our time who was asked to work out a formula for a winning team summed up our chances in by far the deepest and well tought out argument I've heard. When asked about Englands chances if they went to a penalty shootout . He said  'They couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo'!!

Asda sem to be taking their patriotic fervour a little bit to extreme their Klu Klux Klan inspired hoodies have had to be withdrawn.

More science Richard Dawkins, not satisfied with trashing the existence of god has now turned his attention to fairytales. After declaring that are all rubbish he wasted more time trying to prove his point by using his big scientific brain to analyse the probability of it even being possible for a frog to turn into a Prince. He says that statistically it would be impossible- so that's it then case closed! Forget about fairy tales sounds to me like he's the one who is away with the fairies!! 

I would love to go exploring iall the old boarded up buildings in the city. The ones that have been empty for years like those on Lime street just to see whats been left behind. So you can imagine how jealous I was this week when I heard about A guy called Dan Maibix he describes himself as an 'Urban Explorer' and breaking in to old buildings and exploring is just what he does. He may not have Indianna Jones type adventures but seeing some of his beautiful pictures of forgotten buidlings from around the globe is just as exciting. I bet he would have a field day around here. When I grow up that's what I want to be....

I was listening to a guy who describes himself as 'futurologist' the other day. Now theirs a good job. Some might say he makes things up for a living and dreams big. Everything he says is in the future so how can you argue with a man when hes says things like one day we will all live on the moon and be able to fly and arrive at places half an hour before we left, it's all part of his job. And best of all he probably gets paid for it. . Just when I was thinking  he's having a laugh,  the next news item was about how driverless cars are almost a reality. Who'd of thought it.

Rubic cubes are forty years old this month and if they are around for another forty years I still wouldn't be able to complete one.

Is this what it's like to be old? Got bit  on the ear by some gnat type thing the other day first of all it swelled up like balloon eventually the swelling went but the ear has stayed big and floppy. Result is I've got an ear like an African elephant now swaying  in the breeze. Proper old mans ear!  At least next time a fly comes near it I'll be able to swot it away! 


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