Sunday 24 August 2014

Wanted : A football sugar daddy




Wanted: a football “Sugar Daddy”. Apply to a football club near you – note: must have deep pockets.

The hunt for the elusive no strings attached football club owner is on. Anyone heard of John Moores? He was the Roman Abramovitch of his day with his Littlewoods pools millions who lavished his family wealth on his beloved Everton football club, spending money like their was no tomorrow. In the sixties, the club became known as The Millionaires, such was his willingness to splash the cash. Sir John was always good for a few thousand (a lot in those days!) whenever his manager spotted talent. Sadly, when Sir John died, so did his money and the club went into decline.

Everton were not the only club with a local benefactor. The football league, as it was then, was full of “local” businessmen spending their wealth on their local club. Hard to believe that, in their heyday, Manchester United got their cash from the local butcher’s family, the Edwards.

So why did it all go wrong? It’s easy to blame it all on television (especially Sky TV), but, since the mid-eighties, football’s local connections have been steadily erased. A victim of its own success, football became a business with the profit & loss scores becoming the only game in town. The cash rich, no questions asked carpetbaggers from the Middle East and Eastern Europe descended like a rash on the football league.

In the mid-eighties, when the word of the day was “loadsa-money”, these brash, flash billionaires coming from football team poor countries were welcomed into town. With their oil rich millions, they wanted a piece of the most successful league in the world – and, for some, it was the lifeblood they needed. Who wouldn’t snatch the hand off a willing benefactor promising millions?

Some clubs, like current premier league champions Manchester City, had to kiss a lot of frogs before they found their Prince Charming. Other clubs, like Leeds United and the Blackburn Rovers, have paid the price for jumping into bed with wealthy foreign investors and gone from champs to chumps, whilst others like Manchester United and Liverpool have bet it all on red and gambled on success the corporate American way.

The days of the local club forlocal fans are a thing of the past. How can it be local when it’s a global phenomenon, with every game beamed live all around the world? The average Liverpool fan is as likely to come from Tokyo as Toxteth, and for thousands and thousands of supporters every game is an away day.

Could the Edwards’s family from Manchester ever have imagined how big a business their little old football club would become? If they thought they had it good in the sixties and seventies, what would they make of the club today? Manchester United PLC is quoted on the stock market; the board room where decisions are made isn’t in the bowls of Old Trafford, but the skyscrapers of Wall Street – it’s the shareholders the board answers too. The fans are are just the television extras that fill out the stadium week in week out. The price all these clubs pay for selling their heritage is to sacrifice what the fans want for what the shareholders demand. You get your success (occasionally!), but at the whim of the owners. No longer a football fan, more of a business fan. Success isn’t measured so much by cups won as by the pounds banked.

Those Manchester City fans celebrating their premiership title last season have a lot to be thankful for, as they are run as a modern day family business, albeit a Middle Eastern royal family. The manager is lavished with cash and can attract the world’s best players with promises to pay them huge amounts. They play at a state of the art stadium and enjoy facilities second to none. The former millionaires of Everton in their rundown shabby ground can only look on enviously at their “new money” billionaire neighbours. The days of the millionaire are long gone – it’s a billionaire or nothing.

Sadly, the cash to fund the rich mans plaything is drying up, just like the Saudi oil princes and the Russian oligarchs. It’s the TV contracts that are feeding the fire of modern day football. With worldwide deals filling the pots, the premier league elite have never been so cash rich. But the question is, for how much longer? Football once relied on the fans for the majority of its revenue, but not anymore. The beautiful game is dictated by TV schedules; they pay, you play (whenever they say).

What happens if Sky decides to pull the plug? How can clubs hooked on TV cash pay the wages of the lucrative contracts, the loans? Where’s the cash going to come from? It’s a knife edge for many clubs balancing the books and when the money’s gone and the accountants and liquidators move in, the first question they’ll be asking is “Where’s your daddy?”

Man Talk 24th August 2014



The song if you want to be happy for the rest if your life never make a pretty woman your wife, may have a ring of truth about it for some people. just ask the guy from Newcastle who won an unenviable award for 'punching above his weight' after he tied the knott with his new model bride. It's not the kind of thing you want overhear in the pub or have thrown in your face everytime you have a tiff now is it!  And whilst diets seems like an obsession for most newly married women. A report this week says counting calories isn't a part of the plan for newly married men. They eat more, drink more and generally pile on the pounds once they are wed. 

The hipster scruffy beardy look doesn't seem to want to go away and whilst designer scruff seems to be in vogue for the cool kids. Us normal blokes have been waiting for our little niche fashion trend. So thank goodness the football season is back and with it comes "Lads Cassual' yes fashionistas say trainers sports shirts and even shorts are the bang on new trend for autumn. Now theirs a trend us 'normal' fellas  can all feel comfortable with. 

After-all how many of us can carry off the flower beard, yes the cool kids (again!) are dressing  up their face hair with some wild flora. Obviously not a terrace look. And where would you get it done? 

Have you heard about this crazy trend on Instagram men are shaving their chest hair so it looks like a bra then posting the pictures - can't help thinking that's something they'll regret in the future 

Somebody told me the other day that the first tweet was sent 18years ago it said 'just setting up my first twtr' - but my first thought was who was he going to send it too? 

Hers something for all you budding DJs Paris Hilton was paid 347,000 dollars per hour for spinning discs in Ibiza this summer - nice work if you can get it!!

Have used the Siri option on your IPhone? It's the facility to ask your phone a question and it replies with an answer. This supposedly know all service isn't as good as it makes out a murderer tried to use the option to ask the question how they should get rid of a dead body? Obviously it gave the wrong answer and he's now awaiting sentencing

Saw an ad for under ease underpants the other day the strapline is 'Releave  the Pain without the shame' hi tech odourless underpants - Christmas is coming!!

Everyone is talking about the woman who walked free from court after being caught by customs with sixteen grand hidden in her knickers. Maybe she was a lapdancer said one wag! Case closed then. badabing! 

Here's something I heard the other day, it's impossible to stop thinking! Urgh....Think about it 

Sunday 10 August 2014

Man talk 9th August 2014

 
Man Talk 9th August 2014
 
Its a real kick in the teeth for us Brits when you hear that, in a survey,the rest of the world think the person they most associate with being a typical british male is Mr Bean! Yes the hapless chump who can't speak properly who trys to scrimp on everything and will cheat and lie to get what he wants, is  your average foreigners idea of you and I. Come to think of it they may be right!
 
And the winner is.... Shamus Beaglehole, who was recently celebrated for having the name of the year, in a recent poll. He narrowly beat off the runner up Dr Eve Gruntfest, so close but so far. Submissions are now being taken for next years competion if you think you can better that. P.S. Only legitimate names can enter, no made up ones allowed.
 
Hows this for a great way to watch one of the scariest films of all time 'Jaws'. In a dingy in an outdoor swimming pool. One clever swimming baths in London had the brilliant idea of showing the film with added water to give the film a touch of reality. Wonder if anyone to large turned up and the staff got to say the classic line....'We're going to need a bigger boat.'
 
Here's the conspiracy theory that everybodies talking about this week,  Apple slow down the performance of their Iphones just before they launch a new version, so we'll all run out and buy one. Anyone else noticed their phones on a go slow? The X- Files live on.
 
Ever felt like your blending into the background and nobody knows your there, Well your not alone. A survey this week has found that once men reach the age of 39 they become invisible to women.  Unfortunately once we hit the big three nine us guys are just not memorable anymore. Perhaps thats why David Beckham has taken to relaunching his underwear range. Once seen in those budgie smugglers never fogotten!
 
Coincidence or trend? Saw a man smoking a pipe the other day, thought thats unussual, who smokes a pipe these days? Then within minutes saw somebody else doing the same thing! So, the question is are pipes making a comeback? Theirs something cozy about a man with a pipe, thoughtful, cheerful you always imagine a pipe smoker as mr dependable. You'd never see a rock star or a footballer puffing on a pipe. Or maybe we will soon... The pipe is on its way back!
 
How strange is this as an accompanyment to a beer a plate of radishes! Yes those little red rock hard balls where served up with my pint in a bar in France recently! I mean what do you say to that? Obvioulsy its a French thing.
 
One man who will never have to buy a beer again is Orlando Bloom, after he punched Justin Beiber.  Well at least he'll have something to cry into now.
 
Who said an education is wasted, you can now get a Phd in toilets, yes somebody has created a degree course in all things loo related. Well there's three years of your life down the pan!