Man Talk 21st September 2014

American TV Star Lena Durham summed up that feeling that most of us have after having to much to drink. That feeling when you've had one to many and your about to be sick. She described the five seconds before you vomit as 'The lowest depth of misery'.

 

A report this week said that the average Briton spends over a year of their lifes with a hangover. And it takes a women two hours longer than a man to recover. One in thirteen people when asked said that drinking had played havoc with their lives and caused them to miss everything from a first date to a dream job.

 

Seems like a good reason to support McMillan Nurses latest campaign. They are trying to raise much needed cash for cancer care and are asking you to 'Go Sober for October' Could you give up the demon drink for a month and help a chairty. Can you imagine a month hangover free? And if you can't then you really do need to get on board.

 

On the subject of holding your beer. Respect to the man who became world champion beer glass carring champion. A German, ( naturally, beer drinking capital of the world) carried 27 full litres of beer in one trip from the bar. Like to see how he copes buying a round in town on a Saturday night.

 

Nice to know that 3 out of 4 women say they prefer to date chump chaps! They say they feel freer to indulge themsleves on a night out if their date is a bit of porker. And dating a 'bigger boned' man ( well thats what girls always say 'shes not fat she's just big boned...)  they don't feel so self conscious as they would if their date slim and has abs.

 

Saw a new mens grooming product launched this week its called 'below the belt' and its a liquid talc for your dangly bits. It promises to keep your bits box fresh all day long, and my favourite, it gives your 'Groin Confidence'

Because thats all most mens groins are short of at the moment.

 

Hows this  for a job an 'Affairs Coach' this 'expert' teaches you have to have an extra marital relationship, and whats better, how to jusitify it to yourself and your partner if (and she will!) finds out. When asked why he helps people to cheat and how he can condone it, he answered with a straight face 'well they asked for it!'

 

Will anybody be going to see Liam Neesons new film this weekend 'A walk amongst the Tombstones' Here's the plot line:-  People go missing he finds them and when he finds them he kills the peole who took them. Now I might be wrong but that sounds pretty much like the plotline for Taken and Taken 2. I think the producers must have thought why change a winning formula, lets just change the title, the punters will never know!!!

 

Strange fact I heard this week....There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you......And that m'lud is the case for the defence.

Man talk 7th September 2014

'Does my tum look big in this'? I asked this question after seeing my attemp at the 'Ice Bucket challenge on social networks last week. Whilst everyone else was laughing at my soaking, I was wondering what the hell I had stuffed up my shirt. Turns out I've got a bit of a paunch, to put it politely, which by coincidence was the subject of a phone in the other day on the radio. The art of 'Paunch Disguisng' or how to cover up your belly. From wearing dark clothes to tucking your shirt in. The callers were mostly in denial about the problem. Always trying to point out the postives. Random facts like a big belly was once considered noble and the sign of a leader. You could think of  your tum as an investment, something you've taken time and money to cultivate and grow. Meanwhile back in the real world, a medical expert pointed out that all your growing with a big tummy is type 2 diabitise,health problems, and a wardrobe full clothes that won't fit.Time for the gym I think.

 

If you want to spice up your Ice Bucket challenge, why not try is the middle eastern way, the 'Rubble bucket challenge' replace water ( which is precious comodity in the desert) with stones and rocks. They say it is to rise awareness of the war in Gazza. Thats one trend I can't see catching on over here.  

 

Read this week that scientists are studying sheep dogs to develop technology they can use in crowd control. They believe the tricks the dogs use to herd the sheep can be applied to football crowds. That makes a change football fans,they are usually hearded like cattle.

 

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.  The residents in Gallipoli in southern Italy are so fed up with the declining standards in the town they declared it the Italian capital of sex drugs and alcohol. One resident dubbed  his town, 'The home of trashy tourism' and called it 'Soddom and Gomorrah on Sea'. Now if that doesn't sound like the new Magaluf I don't where would. Could be the perfect destination if your planning a hen or stag party.

 

For all you long hair types who cant think what to do with your straggly maine, forget dressing it up with a 'man bun'. Try a 'man braid'. What better way to tease and dress your hair for a night out with friends. Big in America, bound to hit theese shores pretty soon.

 

One of the biggest selling mobile apps at the moment is the noise of a typewriter keyboard, It adds the sound effects as you type on your phone. Seems like we miss the sound of old technology, so much so that the Times newspaper has the tap tap tap of typewriters clicking away played in the background of their newsroom, as they say it improves productivity.

 

Perhaps our big two premier league teams should take a leaf out of Hull Uniteds book, to attract fans to the game they actually pay them! At present anyone going the game gets paid £2. After some of the games seen already this season it will take a lot more than £2 to get some fans to go back

 

I hear Ryan Giggs and Gary Neville are going into the hotel business their new venture opens up in Manchseter in a few months. I don't imagine they are going for the top end five star luxury market. They've creatively called it. 'Hotel Football' – Now if Carlsberg did hotels.........  

 

The clothes store Gap have taken the trend for 'normal' to the next level, they now have style advisers available to give you tips on how to dress 'normally'. It would be nice to  know what 'normal' is these days.