Man Talk 28th December 2014

I  Ho Ho Hope you had a very merry christmas, I've spent the last few days catching up on some of the box set DVD's. I received. My favourite so far is Karl Pillington's Idiot Abroad collection. What Makes me laugh the most about Brits aborad, is the way we think by adding an accent, where ever we may be. People will understand us. When the former England manager, Steve Mclaren was coaching in Holland, he seemed to think that by adding a dutch accent to his english words, he was actually speaking like a local . And funniest of all Joey Barton, when playing for Marseille, must have thought that watching old episodes of 'Allo 'Allo, was all he needed to do to get by in France. I vill say zis only vonce, Speaking with a foreign acent is not a subsitiute for learning the language.

 

It was a bit sad to hear the other day, that when surveyed some children think Christmas is santa's birthday, thats why we get presents. That Jesus is alive and plays for Chelsea. And the wisemen found the stable using Google maps. Now where did they get those ideas from, everyone knows Coca Cola invented christmas.

 

Here's one reason why boxers always end up penniless at the end of their careers. Amir Khan recently spent £25,000 on a pair of shorts! At that price it must have air bags in the backside to cushion the fall when he gets knocked down.

 

If like me you thought the BBC Sports Personality Of The Year awards last week was a bit boring, due to a lack of actual sportsmen with personalites, Get over to New Zealand, where they've just had their own version. And the winner was – A LUMBERJACK! Yup, chopping down trees is a sport over there. I wonder if running for the bus, and the supermarket trolley dash, is also considereded a sporting achievement.

 

No film is complete these days without its technical advisors, Experts on their subject, to make sure that the content is authentic.  For example comeidan Jason Manford, was credited as the chuckle advisor, for the recent Tommy Cooper film. His job was to advise on where the laughs should go when editing and what sort of laughs they should be. I mention this after reading that for the soon to be released 'Fifty shades of Grey' movie, the producers  employed their own 'expert'  his title is 'The kink advisor' any ideas what his job is? 

 

Only in America- A woman was asked to leave a flight she was booked on, because her travelling companion, a  'Pot Bellied Pig'  was being disruptive. She claims the pig was travelling with her for emotional support. The flight crew said the pig was running up and down the aisles squeeling loudly, and making a mess. Can you believe on some American airlines you are actually allowed to take some animals, to ease your fear of flying. Apart from pigs you can take monkeys and weirdest of all minature Horses! Come on EasyJet get with it!

 

One of the top selling gifts this christmas was – a Ouija board!, glad I didn't get one, Dont think i'd be be able to cope with any uninvited guests.    

 

I bet the staff at John Lewis will be glad Christmas is over. They've had their christmas advert song 'Real Love' on continuiously everytime i've been in the shop for the last month. I bet they can't wait to to PPPick up the PPPenguin, and launch it!  

Film Review - Starred Up

The publicity headlines for  'Starred Up', claims this is a 'Brutal British Prison Drama', and whilst the content may be  'brutal', it's the underlying drama that makes this a far more compelling commentary on 'Broken Britain' 

Jack O'Connell, plays the young Eric, who has been 'Starred Up' which is prison speak for having graduated from doing his 'time' in a 'Young Offenders Centre', to serving his sentence in an adult prison.  

The opening scenes give you a flavour of the dehumanising effect prison has had on Eric. From him being strip searched, to being 'banged up' in a stark empty cell. His first act is to make a crude knife a statement on the reality of his prison world. Before he initiates an unprovoked vicious assault. 

Eric is a vicious, cruel and violent character. With the mind set of a wild animal. He has no moral compass other than the belief that prison is all about the survival of the fittest,

Stared Up has been compared to that other great 80's British Prison drama - 'Scum'. The characters of both films tell similar stories.And  bleak backdrop of prison life has not changed greatly over Thirty years between each film. However were the two films differ is how Starred Up explores a more modern dilemma When Eric's father a career criminal turns up on the same wing. 

Played by Ben Mendelson the elder 'Mr Love' is charged by the boss of the wing, to 'mentor' his estranged son.  Not so much to teach him the error of his violent past, more to avoid the consequences of him destabilising the delicate balance that exists within such a brutal regime.

Both O'Connell and Mendelson give superb performances. Their fractured relationship is an expose of the underclass family sub culture that exists in Britain today. The father a career criminal. The son a 'Ferrell' product of a dysfunctional society. They have no common bond, no history. And no communication. The prison life is all they share. 

Rupert Friend plays the support worker who offers a ray of hope to the young Eric. He hosts a help group for violent prisoners, encouraging them to communicate their anger rather than expose it through actions. It's this 'Hope' which is frowned upon by both the authorities and the older prisoners including Eric's father. 

The films director David Mckenzie raises some difficult questions about Britain's prison system and how young offenders are handled once they become adults. He paints a picture, where the authorities reject any chance of redemption for its charges. He see's our prisons as part of a flawed system, that values the status quo. 

'Starred Up' is not a film with a happy ending, but despite its grim themes, it does offer some final redemption and reconciliation of sorts, for father and son. 

It's not a comfortable film to watch. It's cold,  it's dark, and it leaves you feeling both sad and despondent. Strangely It makes you ask the question - Are the criminals the 'real' victims of a broken system, in 'Broken Britain'

The Best And The Rest - The Movies Of 2014

With the awards season just around the corner, now seems a good time to think about my personal favourite movies of the year and those I wished I hadn’t bothered with.

2014 seems to have been a vintage year for quirky, interesting and independent films.

Richard Linklater’s Boyhood has to be amongst the favourites when this years awards are given out. This truly was a labour of love for the director and his loyal cast. Filmed for over ten years, it charts the real time life of Mason played by Ellar Coltrane and his family. To keep both cast and story together over such a period deserves recognition, and I expect it to be on lots of people’s favourite films lists this year.

The next movie on my list is The Grand Budapest Hotel. Over the course of a year, gems like this one can be forgotten, so it’s important I give it true recognition here.

Director Wes Anderson is renowned for his off beat film choices. From his early works, such asRushmore (1998) and The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) to Fantastic Mr Fox (2009). Anderson never fails to delight and surprise with his work and The Grand Budapest Hotel is no exception. A tale bordering on comic farce and his A- list cast have all bought into this slice of gothic madness. And in particular, Ralph Fiennes, who’s comic turn as the ‘Hotel Concierge’ is a treat.

One young British actor has been making a name for himself this year and he is now tipped for great things; his name is Jack O’Connell, He starred in two of my favourite films of the year. First, in the brutal prison drama Starred Up and then as the young recruit caught up in ‘troubles’ in Belfast, in the terrorist thriller ’71.

Another independent film which was a favourite of a lot of people this year, was Calvary, starring Brendan Gleeson. This too, was an off beat story set in rural Ireland. Gleeson played the village priest who receives a warning that he was about to be murdered. This was not so much a whodunit, as who’s going to do it.

American Hustle was one of the few ‘big’ budget movies of the year that lived up to my expectations. Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence certainly deserved all the plaudits and awards for their performances.

Amongst 2014’s much hyped blockbusters were: Interstellar, Spiderman 2, and the final installments of ‘The Hunger Games’ and ‘The Hobbit’. None of which lived up to expectations despite the big bucks lavished on them.

Hollywood embraced the ‘Chic Noire’ trend this year with two big budget movies. Unfortunately neither delivered. Nicole Kidman starred inBefore I Go To Sleep and Ben Afleck in Gone Girl. Both were good in parts, but ultimately a disappointment. Thebest trailer of the year had to the one for Rise of the Planet of the Apes. It promised so much, but sadly the trailer revealed far too much of the plot and ultimately, after the first few scenes, lost its originality.

However, Fury, starring Brad Pitt, was a gritty realistic war drama, that delivered. And so did the British code breaking drama, The Imitation Game. Its stars, Benedict Cumberbach and Keira Knightley, played their parts as stiff upper lipped Brits to perfection. Furthermore, St. Vincent, starring Bill Murray and Melissa McCarthy, was a warm comic drama that was a joy to watch.

Other well received British films this year include Mr. Turner, staring Timothy Spall, and Belle, the period drama, which has been receiving great acclaim for its original storyline.

But perhaps the surprise hit of the year was Pride, the true story of a gay and lesbian collective who helped a small Welsh village during the 1984 miner’s strike. This warm and uplifting tale is being tipped as an outsider for major honours, having already been recognised at some early awards ceremonies.

2014 may not have been the blockbuster year some studio executives may have hoped for, but for the small independent film makers it has been a triumph, and proof, if need be, that the small low-budget movie has a willing and appreciative audience.

Man Talk 14th December 2014

This week we were presented with two quite differing visions of the  future of 'mankind' with the emphasis. On the 'man' bit. Lets get the sciency one out of the way first. Stephen Hawkings the cleverest man in the world, said that 'AI' or artificial  intelligence or robots to you and me will eventually take over the world! Listening to the announcer at Lime street station the other morning I think they already have. 

 

However the far more intersting development in our evolution, is how men have moved on from being described 'Metrosexual', those being, men taking a keen interest in how they dress, and look. To a new and far more worrying level. It's  being described as  the age of the 'Spornosexual' man, or the dawn of the 'Mirror Man'  This new age is defined by the growing trend of male self obsession with themselves  and their bodies.

How they look, Their  physical appearance and the search for the perfect chisseled gym body is the quest, for this new age 'spornosexual' ..let's take a breathe there, and let me ask,  Is this ringing any bells? 

 

And how you may ask is this obsession being measured? Through science? No, experts are using a far more sophisticated technique. They are monitoring the ever decreasing inside leg measurement of men's shorts as a guide, of course! 

The length of a mans shorts say the experts, is one of the ways of identifying a mans confidence in his own appearance. And they have found that shorts are becoming shorter. They found that the average inside leg measurement for shorts, has in the past few years, gone from an over the knee 15 inches in length, to a just above the knee, length of about 11 inches, and shorts are continuing to become shorter and shorter. Some gym shorts are now down to a new low of 5 inches. The reason behind this tiny gym fashion trend being, amongst other things to over expose the thighs and the finely toned quadrceps. 

The frightening question mankind has to ask itself is which would be worse, a world run by robots or pumped up gym bunnies.... Take me to your leader

 

For your information – the shorts of choice for the 'Gym Addict' are called 'chubbies', so does that make the kind of girl who likes that kind of boy a Chubby chaser?

 

Russell Brand won an award this week from the plain English campaign, for his bad use of the English language. They complained that he often talked in riddles, but what would you  expect, he is a comedian afterall

 

The computer game 'Soccer Manager' may become part of the school coriculumn. Experts say it has lots of qualities to enhance life skills incluidng maths, motivation and organisational  applications. If thats the case then maybe we can expect to see 'Call of Duty' becoming part of basic army training and 'Fast and Furious' to be included in the driving test.

 

How many of you wanted to bury your heads in the cushion whatching Take That dancing on X Factor the other week. We all think we've still got the moves but watching Gary, Mark and Jason  'dad dancing' was a very sad experience. Time to move on now boys, your men now.

 

Where did Lewis Hamilton get that American accent from, when he was being interviewed after winning the Formula One world championship the other week? It reminded me of ex. England coach Steve McLaren speaking with a dutch accent, when he managed in Holland. And worst of all Joey Barton doing his best Allo Allo impersanation when he played for Marseille.

 

'I Vill zay ziss only Vonce.... To all English men going abroad, putting on a foreign accent is not the same as learning the language,  Stop it!

 

Film Review : St Vincent

Let's start by saying I loved  this film. It's a warm poignant cliche filled pot of loveliness 

The plot in a nutshell is a familiar one  single mom (McCarthy) moves into a new neighbourhood, work commitments, force her to ask grumpy neighbour (Murray) to look after her son until she gets home. The story charts how the reluctant minder and the boy strike up an unusual relationship. It all sounds pretty formulaic, but writer and director Theodore Melfi, and his excellent cast have Managed to add a quirky twist to a familiar tale.

In the star of the film Bill Murray you get one of those actors who consistently gives you what he says on his tin. He is renowned for playing cynical irascible, world weary men. Its a character he should patent, it's much copied but never bettered. And he plays the role of Vincent to perfection

Think if of him In 'Ghostbuster's' 'Groundhog Day'  and more recently 'Lost in Translation'. Nobody does that look of a man 'pissed off' with life better than he. And in 'St Vincent'. He gives his text book world weary demeanour a five star performance. 

But Murray isn't the only star to shine in this movie, whilst we're handing out plaudits lets hear it for some great work from Melissa McCarthy and Naomi Watts. 

Who knew Melissa McCarthy could play an understated role, but as the Newly divorced single mom trying to juggle a new home,new job, and cope with a bitter, cynical,irascible old neighbour. ( can you guess who got that part?) My faith in Her as an actress is restored. 

It's a very tender performance that goes totally against type. Her more recognisable roles in 'Bridesmaids', 'Identity Theft', and the car crash of a movie, 'The Heat' (were she teamed up with Oscar winning Sandra Bullock), are all forgiven. This was a very sweet piece of acting, whilst funny in parts, she produced moments of real poignancy. 

Hollywood has this habit of unearthing wonderful young talent, and Jaeden Lieberher, playing McCarthy's son Oliver, is another fine example. He gives a knockout performance, which ties the whole film together. 

 Never over awed and commanding when need be, Lieberher trades banter with those more seasoned stars around him, like an old pro. And credit to the old pros, they give their own wonderful performances when working with the youngster. 

Naomi Harris, is Also a revelation in this film.  The usually serious Hollywood (and their aren't many) actress, reinvented herself with this comic turn. 

She plays an Eastern European Tart with a Heart'. This 'Working Girl' was  Vincent's 'Lady of the Night' And she plays the role wonderfully over the top.  Watts draws on every stereotypical trait of a 'Coming to America' European, Its a clichéd filled performance, but it works. 

And on the subject of cliches,'St Vincent' goes out of its way to tick as man cliche boxes as it can. From Murray being A drunk reluctant War Hero, McCarthy being a struggling single mom, and of course the obligatory cute 'geeky' son. And just to ice off this very big cliche cake, Vincent's has a sick wife, his scenes with her could have been deleted episodes from that other emotional roller coaster 'The Notebook'. But what's not to love about that film. 

Some critics are saying Murray might be up for an Oscar for this role, and he's certainly worth a nomination. But  I think  it would take more than his name on a shortlist to raise a smile of self congratulations from this cynical giant. 

St Vincent is one of those films that Pulls at the heart strings, you know where it's going from scene one. The plot pointers couldn't be any clearer. But after five minutes you don't care. You just let it flow, and by the end you realise you've just watched a warm wonderful film, that leaves you with a smile, and the all important feel good factor. Do yourself a favour and go and see St Vincent