Man Talk 28th December 2014

I  Ho Ho Hope you had a very merry christmas, I've spent the last few days catching up on some of the box set DVD's. I received. My favourite so far is Karl Pillington's Idiot Abroad collection. What Makes me laugh the most about Brits aborad, is the way we think by adding an accent, where ever we may be. People will understand us. When the former England manager, Steve Mclaren was coaching in Holland, he seemed to think that by adding a dutch accent to his english words, he was actually speaking like a local . And funniest of all Joey Barton, when playing for Marseille, must have thought that watching old episodes of 'Allo 'Allo, was all he needed to do to get by in France. I vill say zis only vonce, Speaking with a foreign acent is not a subsitiute for learning the language.

 

It was a bit sad to hear the other day, that when surveyed some children think Christmas is santa's birthday, thats why we get presents. That Jesus is alive and plays for Chelsea. And the wisemen found the stable using Google maps. Now where did they get those ideas from, everyone knows Coca Cola invented christmas.

 

Here's one reason why boxers always end up penniless at the end of their careers. Amir Khan recently spent £25,000 on a pair of shorts! At that price it must have air bags in the backside to cushion the fall when he gets knocked down.

 

If like me you thought the BBC Sports Personality Of The Year awards last week was a bit boring, due to a lack of actual sportsmen with personalites, Get over to New Zealand, where they've just had their own version. And the winner was – A LUMBERJACK! Yup, chopping down trees is a sport over there. I wonder if running for the bus, and the supermarket trolley dash, is also considereded a sporting achievement.

 

No film is complete these days without its technical advisors, Experts on their subject, to make sure that the content is authentic.  For example comeidan Jason Manford, was credited as the chuckle advisor, for the recent Tommy Cooper film. His job was to advise on where the laughs should go when editing and what sort of laughs they should be. I mention this after reading that for the soon to be released 'Fifty shades of Grey' movie, the producers  employed their own 'expert'  his title is 'The kink advisor' any ideas what his job is? 

 

Only in America- A woman was asked to leave a flight she was booked on, because her travelling companion, a  'Pot Bellied Pig'  was being disruptive. She claims the pig was travelling with her for emotional support. The flight crew said the pig was running up and down the aisles squeeling loudly, and making a mess. Can you believe on some American airlines you are actually allowed to take some animals, to ease your fear of flying. Apart from pigs you can take monkeys and weirdest of all minature Horses! Come on EasyJet get with it!

 

One of the top selling gifts this christmas was – a Ouija board!, glad I didn't get one, Dont think i'd be be able to cope with any uninvited guests.    

 

I bet the staff at John Lewis will be glad Christmas is over. They've had their christmas advert song 'Real Love' on continuiously everytime i've been in the shop for the last month. I bet they can't wait to to PPPick up the PPPenguin, and launch it!  

Film Review - Starred Up

The publicity headlines for  'Starred Up', claims this is a 'Brutal British Prison Drama', and whilst the content may be  'brutal', it's the underlying drama that makes this a far more compelling commentary on 'Broken Britain' 

Jack O'Connell, plays the young Eric, who has been 'Starred Up' which is prison speak for having graduated from doing his 'time' in a 'Young Offenders Centre', to serving his sentence in an adult prison.  

The opening scenes give you a flavour of the dehumanising effect prison has had on Eric. From him being strip searched, to being 'banged up' in a stark empty cell. His first act is to make a crude knife a statement on the reality of his prison world. Before he initiates an unprovoked vicious assault. 

Eric is a vicious, cruel and violent character. With the mind set of a wild animal. He has no moral compass other than the belief that prison is all about the survival of the fittest,

Stared Up has been compared to that other great 80's British Prison drama - 'Scum'. The characters of both films tell similar stories.And  bleak backdrop of prison life has not changed greatly over Thirty years between each film. However were the two films differ is how Starred Up explores a more modern dilemma When Eric's father a career criminal turns up on the same wing. 

Played by Ben Mendelson the elder 'Mr Love' is charged by the boss of the wing, to 'mentor' his estranged son.  Not so much to teach him the error of his violent past, more to avoid the consequences of him destabilising the delicate balance that exists within such a brutal regime.

Both O'Connell and Mendelson give superb performances. Their fractured relationship is an expose of the underclass family sub culture that exists in Britain today. The father a career criminal. The son a 'Ferrell' product of a dysfunctional society. They have no common bond, no history. And no communication. The prison life is all they share. 

Rupert Friend plays the support worker who offers a ray of hope to the young Eric. He hosts a help group for violent prisoners, encouraging them to communicate their anger rather than expose it through actions. It's this 'Hope' which is frowned upon by both the authorities and the older prisoners including Eric's father. 

The films director David Mckenzie raises some difficult questions about Britain's prison system and how young offenders are handled once they become adults. He paints a picture, where the authorities reject any chance of redemption for its charges. He see's our prisons as part of a flawed system, that values the status quo. 

'Starred Up' is not a film with a happy ending, but despite its grim themes, it does offer some final redemption and reconciliation of sorts, for father and son. 

It's not a comfortable film to watch. It's cold,  it's dark, and it leaves you feeling both sad and despondent. Strangely It makes you ask the question - Are the criminals the 'real' victims of a broken system, in 'Broken Britain'

The Best And The Rest - The Movies Of 2014

With the awards season just around the corner, now seems a good time to think about my personal favourite movies of the year and those I wished I hadn’t bothered with.

2014 seems to have been a vintage year for quirky, interesting and independent films.

Richard Linklater’s Boyhood has to be amongst the favourites when this years awards are given out. This truly was a labour of love for the director and his loyal cast. Filmed for over ten years, it charts the real time life of Mason played by Ellar Coltrane and his family. To keep both cast and story together over such a period deserves recognition, and I expect it to be on lots of people’s favourite films lists this year.

The next movie on my list is The Grand Budapest Hotel. Over the course of a year, gems like this one can be forgotten, so it’s important I give it true recognition here.

Director Wes Anderson is renowned for his off beat film choices. From his early works, such asRushmore (1998) and The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) to Fantastic Mr Fox (2009). Anderson never fails to delight and surprise with his work and The Grand Budapest Hotel is no exception. A tale bordering on comic farce and his A- list cast have all bought into this slice of gothic madness. And in particular, Ralph Fiennes, who’s comic turn as the ‘Hotel Concierge’ is a treat.

One young British actor has been making a name for himself this year and he is now tipped for great things; his name is Jack O’Connell, He starred in two of my favourite films of the year. First, in the brutal prison drama Starred Up and then as the young recruit caught up in ‘troubles’ in Belfast, in the terrorist thriller ’71.

Another independent film which was a favourite of a lot of people this year, was Calvary, starring Brendan Gleeson. This too, was an off beat story set in rural Ireland. Gleeson played the village priest who receives a warning that he was about to be murdered. This was not so much a whodunit, as who’s going to do it.

American Hustle was one of the few ‘big’ budget movies of the year that lived up to my expectations. Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence certainly deserved all the plaudits and awards for their performances.

Amongst 2014’s much hyped blockbusters were: Interstellar, Spiderman 2, and the final installments of ‘The Hunger Games’ and ‘The Hobbit’. None of which lived up to expectations despite the big bucks lavished on them.

Hollywood embraced the ‘Chic Noire’ trend this year with two big budget movies. Unfortunately neither delivered. Nicole Kidman starred inBefore I Go To Sleep and Ben Afleck in Gone Girl. Both were good in parts, but ultimately a disappointment. Thebest trailer of the year had to the one for Rise of the Planet of the Apes. It promised so much, but sadly the trailer revealed far too much of the plot and ultimately, after the first few scenes, lost its originality.

However, Fury, starring Brad Pitt, was a gritty realistic war drama, that delivered. And so did the British code breaking drama, The Imitation Game. Its stars, Benedict Cumberbach and Keira Knightley, played their parts as stiff upper lipped Brits to perfection. Furthermore, St. Vincent, starring Bill Murray and Melissa McCarthy, was a warm comic drama that was a joy to watch.

Other well received British films this year include Mr. Turner, staring Timothy Spall, and Belle, the period drama, which has been receiving great acclaim for its original storyline.

But perhaps the surprise hit of the year was Pride, the true story of a gay and lesbian collective who helped a small Welsh village during the 1984 miner’s strike. This warm and uplifting tale is being tipped as an outsider for major honours, having already been recognised at some early awards ceremonies.

2014 may not have been the blockbuster year some studio executives may have hoped for, but for the small independent film makers it has been a triumph, and proof, if need be, that the small low-budget movie has a willing and appreciative audience.

Man Talk 14th December 2014

This week we were presented with two quite differing visions of the  future of 'mankind' with the emphasis. On the 'man' bit. Lets get the sciency one out of the way first. Stephen Hawkings the cleverest man in the world, said that 'AI' or artificial  intelligence or robots to you and me will eventually take over the world! Listening to the announcer at Lime street station the other morning I think they already have. 

 

However the far more intersting development in our evolution, is how men have moved on from being described 'Metrosexual', those being, men taking a keen interest in how they dress, and look. To a new and far more worrying level. It's  being described as  the age of the 'Spornosexual' man, or the dawn of the 'Mirror Man'  This new age is defined by the growing trend of male self obsession with themselves  and their bodies.

How they look, Their  physical appearance and the search for the perfect chisseled gym body is the quest, for this new age 'spornosexual' ..let's take a breathe there, and let me ask,  Is this ringing any bells? 

 

And how you may ask is this obsession being measured? Through science? No, experts are using a far more sophisticated technique. They are monitoring the ever decreasing inside leg measurement of men's shorts as a guide, of course! 

The length of a mans shorts say the experts, is one of the ways of identifying a mans confidence in his own appearance. And they have found that shorts are becoming shorter. They found that the average inside leg measurement for shorts, has in the past few years, gone from an over the knee 15 inches in length, to a just above the knee, length of about 11 inches, and shorts are continuing to become shorter and shorter. Some gym shorts are now down to a new low of 5 inches. The reason behind this tiny gym fashion trend being, amongst other things to over expose the thighs and the finely toned quadrceps. 

The frightening question mankind has to ask itself is which would be worse, a world run by robots or pumped up gym bunnies.... Take me to your leader

 

For your information – the shorts of choice for the 'Gym Addict' are called 'chubbies', so does that make the kind of girl who likes that kind of boy a Chubby chaser?

 

Russell Brand won an award this week from the plain English campaign, for his bad use of the English language. They complained that he often talked in riddles, but what would you  expect, he is a comedian afterall

 

The computer game 'Soccer Manager' may become part of the school coriculumn. Experts say it has lots of qualities to enhance life skills incluidng maths, motivation and organisational  applications. If thats the case then maybe we can expect to see 'Call of Duty' becoming part of basic army training and 'Fast and Furious' to be included in the driving test.

 

How many of you wanted to bury your heads in the cushion whatching Take That dancing on X Factor the other week. We all think we've still got the moves but watching Gary, Mark and Jason  'dad dancing' was a very sad experience. Time to move on now boys, your men now.

 

Where did Lewis Hamilton get that American accent from, when he was being interviewed after winning the Formula One world championship the other week? It reminded me of ex. England coach Steve McLaren speaking with a dutch accent, when he managed in Holland. And worst of all Joey Barton doing his best Allo Allo impersanation when he played for Marseille.

 

'I Vill zay ziss only Vonce.... To all English men going abroad, putting on a foreign accent is not the same as learning the language,  Stop it!

 

Film Review : St Vincent

Let's start by saying I loved  this film. It's a warm poignant cliche filled pot of loveliness 

The plot in a nutshell is a familiar one  single mom (McCarthy) moves into a new neighbourhood, work commitments, force her to ask grumpy neighbour (Murray) to look after her son until she gets home. The story charts how the reluctant minder and the boy strike up an unusual relationship. It all sounds pretty formulaic, but writer and director Theodore Melfi, and his excellent cast have Managed to add a quirky twist to a familiar tale.

In the star of the film Bill Murray you get one of those actors who consistently gives you what he says on his tin. He is renowned for playing cynical irascible, world weary men. Its a character he should patent, it's much copied but never bettered. And he plays the role of Vincent to perfection

Think if of him In 'Ghostbuster's' 'Groundhog Day'  and more recently 'Lost in Translation'. Nobody does that look of a man 'pissed off' with life better than he. And in 'St Vincent'. He gives his text book world weary demeanour a five star performance. 

But Murray isn't the only star to shine in this movie, whilst we're handing out plaudits lets hear it for some great work from Melissa McCarthy and Naomi Watts. 

Who knew Melissa McCarthy could play an understated role, but as the Newly divorced single mom trying to juggle a new home,new job, and cope with a bitter, cynical,irascible old neighbour. ( can you guess who got that part?) My faith in Her as an actress is restored. 

It's a very tender performance that goes totally against type. Her more recognisable roles in 'Bridesmaids', 'Identity Theft', and the car crash of a movie, 'The Heat' (were she teamed up with Oscar winning Sandra Bullock), are all forgiven. This was a very sweet piece of acting, whilst funny in parts, she produced moments of real poignancy. 

Hollywood has this habit of unearthing wonderful young talent, and Jaeden Lieberher, playing McCarthy's son Oliver, is another fine example. He gives a knockout performance, which ties the whole film together. 

 Never over awed and commanding when need be, Lieberher trades banter with those more seasoned stars around him, like an old pro. And credit to the old pros, they give their own wonderful performances when working with the youngster. 

Naomi Harris, is Also a revelation in this film.  The usually serious Hollywood (and their aren't many) actress, reinvented herself with this comic turn. 

She plays an Eastern European Tart with a Heart'. This 'Working Girl' was  Vincent's 'Lady of the Night' And she plays the role wonderfully over the top.  Watts draws on every stereotypical trait of a 'Coming to America' European, Its a clichéd filled performance, but it works. 

And on the subject of cliches,'St Vincent' goes out of its way to tick as man cliche boxes as it can. From Murray being A drunk reluctant War Hero, McCarthy being a struggling single mom, and of course the obligatory cute 'geeky' son. And just to ice off this very big cliche cake, Vincent's has a sick wife, his scenes with her could have been deleted episodes from that other emotional roller coaster 'The Notebook'. But what's not to love about that film. 

Some critics are saying Murray might be up for an Oscar for this role, and he's certainly worth a nomination. But  I think  it would take more than his name on a shortlist to raise a smile of self congratulations from this cynical giant. 

St Vincent is one of those films that Pulls at the heart strings, you know where it's going from scene one. The plot pointers couldn't be any clearer. But after five minutes you don't care. You just let it flow, and by the end you realise you've just watched a warm wonderful film, that leaves you with a smile, and the all important feel good factor. Do yourself a favour and go and see St Vincent 

Man Talk 30th November 2014

Have you ever been a victim of 'Man-spread' the increasing problem of men hogging seats by sitting with their legs spread to far apart. It's becoming such a problem on the New York Subway that they are starting a poster campaign to discourage it. However your native New Yorker isn't taking this problem sitting down.  Now an alternative campaign to promote the benefits of 'spreading the Load' is being launched. who knew that their is medical benefits to sitting spread eagled as they say,in fact sitting with legs squeezed together is bad for you they claim. maybe to avoid complaints you should just get yourself a doctors note.

Let's do 'Munch' or the increasing trend amongst men of getting together for lunch . Well if it's good enough for the girlies and for the David Beckham set. Sound much more elegant than - 'I'm going for a pie and a pint' 

Sex symbols come in all shapes an sizes. Take Eric Pickles for example this cabinet minister is a pin up boy in Siberia of all places. He gets so many requests for photographs. He's told his cabinet office to ignore them and throw them all in the bin. Maybe Siberian women like their men with a bit of meat on them, in which case Eric certainly fits the bill! 

Sitting in my dentists waiting room the other day I was flicking through a magazine then noticed it was from 2010, when I checked the pile the other mags where from the same year . Couldn't believe it. It was like taking a step back in time unfortunately my dentist wasn't as nostalgic and still charged me 2014 prices. Next time I think I'll ask him to give my credit card an anaesthetic as well, to numb the pain as I hand it over to pay! 

You know the saying he's 'talking out his backside ' well soon you may actually be able to play music out of it. A Spanish audio scientist has developed a way of using the natural rhythms of your body to broadcast musical sounds he uses an audio player connected underneath a bicycle seat as an example. The sound vibrations generated travel up through your body which act as the speakers. Just hope he doesn't hit any bum notes. 

NYC Get tough with 'ManSpread'

The urban dictionary describes 'ManSpread' as : 

'When a dude sits on a chair and spreads his leg and makes a 'V' shape with them.

Such is the problem, that on the NewYork transit system, they are putting posters to discourage the practice - sighting that it takes up to much room. 

It's a problem we are probably becoming accustomed to here in Britain. We've  probably all witnessed  that over exposed slouched pose adopted by some young men,  On the British equivalent to the subway, the underground or on buses or anywhere where we have to sit and wait. Doctors waiting rooms, and airport lounges, are a breaking ground for ManSpread 

This uniquely male orientated position is a current trend amongst the young. Call it a lack of respect or just someone comfortable in displaying their own body language. It's a pose seldom displayed by women. 

Whilst physiologists and body language experts may explain the position as some deep rooted display of sexual beckoning or perhaps it's the equivalent of the open palm gesture of being harmless and defenceless. Whatever it's subconscious roots the fact is a 'ManSpread takes up far to much room and int the case of the New York Transit System to many seats- three on average to be precise. 

Whilst the over exposed and elongated leg pose hasn't reached epidemic proportions or resulted in any fisticuffs. It does cause arguments and resentment. Those opposing the position say it's an aggressive selfish action that restricts seats and leg room for adjacent passengers. Whilst those in

Favour of the extra leg space,  say that on medical grounds alone it shouldn't be discouraged. They say The skin around the testicles is only a very fine membrane and the pressure applied by confining leg movement could encourage health problems. They argue that some men need that option of a wider leg spread to either discourage or deal with genital problems. 

Like everything else in America this is an argument that will probably become a question of civil liberties and whether it is a mans right to be able to 'spread his legs'- See you in court !!

 

America's Love Affair With The British Class System

America – often thought of as the land of opportunity, a society that likes to think of itself as classless, a country that has welcomed the poor with open arms and huddled masses, escaping tyranny and persecution. So why, oh why does ‘The Land of the Free’ have such a fascination with Royalty and Britain’s Class System. To put it bluntly, why exactly do Americans love a bit of posh?

It was, after all, the oppression of a British monarchy that they fought a revolution over, and yet nearly two hundred and fifty years later they are prepared to queue for hours and travel unimagined distances to welcome back the Future King William, and his ‘princess’ Kate.

Such is the American fascination with our royal family that they generate as much TV air time and column inches of press as the closest thing to American Royalty the Obama’s.

Perhaps the American love affair with their British heritage was rekindled by Princess Diana. She truly was a fairytale princess in the eyes of the American public. She captivated the then President Reagan, and became a friend of the Hollywood A – list, who next to her melted into insignificance. Her tragic death only heightened her popularity, and the myth of Royalty became cemented by her two sons whose lives have been meticulously documented as they grew from boys to men.

The Queen, her castles, and the historic nature of royalty and the respect it endures in Britain seem to have rubbed of on its distant cousins across the sea, who sometimes treat our Royal family as if it were their own.

And it’s a love affair that has permeated down through Britain’s Class System. The TV series Downton Abbey is welcomed with as much anticipation as any home grown TV programme. Lord and Lady Grantham and their aristocratic brood, although only actors are treated with the same difference and respect as any authentic ennobled family.

America unquestionably loves Britain’s Class System, and if it were to be put to a vote as to whether they would welcome their own Royal family or even a branch of our own, it would certainly give freedom and independence a close run for its money.

Here in the UK we have our own love affair with royalty, but ours is far more selective. We can extend our unqualified respect and loyalty to the queen and the immediate Royal Family. Beyond that we become far more cynical. In America they are far less discerning and pushy princesses and wayward butlers are received with open arms, in the highest circles.

Our own love of the brusque tones of a native New Yorker is matched by their own passion for a posh plummy accent. That British stiff upper-class tone, mastered to perfection by current Hollywood favourites Keira Knightley and Dominic Cumberbatch, is much in demand for the more serious film roles.

Whilst Hollywood and its cast of homegrown stars may excel in producing many genres of movies, it turns to Old England for its period dramas. Nobody can do gravitas like a former Shakespearian player. It’s the Old Etonian or the ‘Oxbridge’ graduate they turn to in order to carry a costume drama.

Here we may resent the posh boys and the class system. In the U.S they positively welcome it. Being Posh lends itself to so many roles. From the ‘Expert’ to the ‘Baddie’ or the ‘Evil Genius'; having a plummy accent is a welcome addition to any cast. The ‘titled’ Lord or Lady is always a symbol for wealth and power, and the ennobling of an actor with a ‘Sir’ or ‘Dame’ only adds to their box office appeal.

Producers such as the Weinstein’s recognise the attraction of a British based storyline when you’re hunting for award winning opportunities. Multi Oscar winner The King’s Speech, and the current much heralded Imitation Game, rely heavily on the clichéd ‘Englishness’ of its cast.

It’s hard to believe that once upon a time being considered posh was a negative attribute. Now it’s positively encouraged. Being royal, well-educated or just plain posh is becoming a valuable asset. Having been Made in Chelsea may not be a guarantee to success, but it certainly helps especially if your trying to make it in America.

Man Talk 16th November 2014

Man Talk 16th November 2014

Well I got to a very disappointing  day eight of 'Movember' before that smudge that was emerging slowly above my top lip got to much for me and I shaved it away. My dreams of recreating the full on macho man moustache that looks so good on Tom Sellick or Burt Reynolds failed due to a combination of vanity ( I thought I looked stupid!) and a tash on a grow slow.  

It looked so pathetic my commitment to the cause had to bite the dust for another year. I think it would take until next Movember before I had anything to show- still as they say it was for 'charadee' so remember Mo or No you've still got to donate 

Chancellor of The Exchequer George Osborne is becoming a bit of a hair style icon his new shorter do is much in demand especially amongst city types it seems

A style book for ginger blokes is being touted to the girls as the Christmas gift to buy for the Mick Hucknall in your life. It features celebrity redheads, can't see a pasty faced Ed Sheeran being anyone's style inspiration.

A survey has found that the rock and roll lifestyle really is bad for you, The party all the time attitude can knock over 25 years off your life. What is it they say live fast die young 

Music polls are big news this week

Can you believe in a survey Bohemian Rhapsody was voted the song that makes us feel better when we are Ill. That's right hearing the opening lines 'Momma just killed a man' cheers us right up. And do we really want to hear 'Dancing Queen' or Robbie Williams murdering some 'Angels' when we've got man-flu. Most of us just  want to lie in a quiet room, and listen to the sound of silence.  

Another poll told us that it takes us 2.5 seconds to recognise the Spice Girls song  'Wannabe'. Its the most recognisable song on the radio. What it failed to mention is that it only takes us a further 0.5 seconds to lean over and switch it off. 

So now Wayne Rooney thinks he's got a bit of a voice. Seen him having a singalong with Ed Sheeran, on You Tube. As one of Harry Enfield's old characters might have said. Oi ROONEY NO!!! Hasn't that mouth of yours got you in enough trouble! Save your voice for moaning at your useless team mates. 

Articles I passed on reading this week included  the secrets of David Gandys underwear collection. May google it if I've got time on my hands because hells frozen over! 

Very British gangsters – The Peaky Blinders

Very British gangsters – The Peaky Blinders

Credit to the BBC for commissioning and then sticking by their 1920’s based very British gangster series ‘The Peaky Blinders’

Imagine sitting at the commissioning meeting and the producers having to begin their pitch by explaining how they came by the title. – How it comes from the name of the Birmingham gang that acquired a reputation for using a razor blade hidden In the ‘peak’ of their caps, and how, in vicious street fights. They would use the blade to slash opponents.

You might expect that in these politically correct times, at this point most commissioning execs, would make a polite excuse and withdraw. but wisely they stuck by the producers, and here we are with season two just finished and an eager audience crying out for a date for the next instalment.

When you think of the BBC’s drama output, a 1920’s Birmingham street gang isn’t a natural fit. But such us the quality of the storyline and it’s originality, it attracted a Stellar cast. The star of Jurasic Park Sam Neil, and a pair of Batman villains Ciilian Murphy and Tom Hardy give the series it’s Hollywood edge. Neil in particular brings real menace to his role as Major Campbell the shadowy police officer.

But it’s Murphy as the Machiavellian Tommy Shelby who holds the series together. Set against the backdrop of the end of the First World War and the beginnings of the troubles in Ireland. It’s Shelby who fights to hold his family and it’s ‘businesses’ together. Scarred by the war but emboldened by his survival of it. The story revolves around Tommy’s plans for the future and every gangsters dream, to make their business ‘legit’

As the Shelby empire has grown so has Tommy’s ambition. Plans to expand the family empire into London gave the script writers the opportunity to introduce some new characters. And none bigger badder or madder, than ‘Alfie Solomon’ played by Hardy. He was an inspired choice. An over the top performance that added another level of violence to an already blood soaked storyline.

Gangs seperated along racial and ethnic divides where a theme of the series the Catholic IRA, The Shelby Gypsy connections and the Italians and the Jews who ran London.

Against this melting pot of crime, a corrupt police service paid lip service to the highest bidders. Whilst Neil’s Major Cambell was as viscious and violent as any of the criminals, his intentions had its own corrupt authenticity. But in the end even he divided his loyalties along sectarian lines, with his aligance to the Protestant Red hand of Ulster.

The series had the murder count of any of its Hollywood counterparts The Sopranos or Boardwalk Empire, but upped the graphic death rate in this series.

Some of the features of ‘The Blinders’ that gives the series it’s gloss are the costumes and settings. The production costs must have been a huge part of the budget.The styling is first class, from the swagger of the men’s suits, to the authentic cropped haircuts. It’s the attention to detail that grabs you. Set that alongside the locations and backdrops and you have the foundations of the series success

The producers haven’t pandered to an international audience and all the characters adopt accents particular to their heritage. From the broad ‘black country’ accent of the Shelby clan. To Major Campbell’s broad Northern Irish brogue.

It’s been a sumptuous production that deserves all its applause. But with the characters all established now, the problem for the writers is how they take the series forward for a third instalment. The cast as much in demand for the big screen as their work on the Blinders, and assembling a cast of this quality could be problematic.

Like so many series that end leaving us wanting more, We’ve become accustomed to rushed new episodes to meet demand. Producers fall into the ‘casualty’ scenario the BBC medical drama where episodes become formulaic and predictable. What was fresh and original had becomes stale and uninspired.

A Series like ‘The Peaky Blinders’ has introduced us to a whole new genre of british gangster. We have until now associated that era with American Criminals such as Al Capone. In Thomas Shelby we have our own gangster number one.

The writers now have to pull off the trick of keeping the originality of the series and the freshness of the story lines, no easy task, but we live in hope and await the difficult third series with baited breathe.

 

   

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Wayne Rooney: The Footballer the Fans Love to Hate

For every footballing hero there’s just as many villains. Those pantomime soccer-bad-boys who rather than cheer at, we jeer at, every time they touch the ball.

The former Liverpool, now Barcelona player, Luis Suarez is universally disliked for his on field activities and would probably be described by most fans as a ‘cheat’, and nobody  likes a ‘cheat’ in sport. Any kind of bad sportsmanship in the heat of battle, never fails to bring out the worst in the fans.

The beautiful game has never been short of players, who (for what ever reason), we just don’t like. Every club has it’s villains, but it takes a special kind of badness, or madness, to gain universal displeasure.

Suarez’s actions could be blamed on his Latin temperament, but the fans reaction, Latin or not, is typical. It generates the same passionate response as the love/hate relationship they have with our own Wayne Rooney.

Rooney became ‘Public enemy number one’ for Everton fans, after they claimed he betrayed the club he always supported, and joined one of their bitter rivals Manchester United.

Fans believed he’d pledged his loyalty to the blue half of Merseyside. A footballing prodigy gifted and talented. Identified at a very young age as being a ‘special player’ with a huge future. Photographs of him in his now infamous ‘Once A Blue’ T-shirt hung pride of place in many a blue household, as was the optimism he instilled in the Everton fans. His subsequent transfer turned him into a hate figure overnight in his home town.

His move to Manchester was no bed of roses. He took a long time to win over his new clubs supporters, despite his obvious talents. A deep rooted dislike of ‘scousers’ only drew a begrudged appreciation of his skills.

Rooney has spent all of his footballing life in the spotlight. A precocious young talent, his strength and skills became apparent early on. He made his debut in 2002 for the team he has supported since childhood. He claimed that joining Everton football club was all he ever wanted. The fans rejoiced at having a home-grown superstar amongst their ranks. When he left the club in 2004 it was like a dagger to the heart, it made no difference that his leaving was to join one of the biggest clubs in the world.

Still only eighteen, the reported twenty million pounds transfer fee was a welcome windfall for a debt ridden club, but did little to appease the angry Everton fans who believed Rooney’s departure was driven by greed and was a slap in the face for those who believed he could have been the catalyst the club needed to take it back into the big time.

Rooney quickly repaid his huge fee to his new paymasters by helping them gain further honours including the Premiership title, and a Champions League final.

Rooney also established himself as a regular in the England team, and achieved the most prestigious of prizes, being both Manchester United and England captain. He also continues to re-write the record books, becoming Manchester United’s leading goal scorer of all time and is now only a few goals short of achieving the same distinction for his country.

Not a bad achievement for the lad from ‘Crocy’ and yet those achievements carry little weight with the fans. He is still the subject of the most extreme abuse, both on and off the pitch.

The question is: Why does one footballer generate so much hostility? Could it be many see him as a footballing child prodigy that showed so much potential, so much passion, yet wasted his opportunities? A catalogue of indiscretions have infuriated the fans. From Holding his boss at Manchester United, the formidable Sir Alex Ferguson, to ransom for a pay rise and getting it, and being acclaimed as the champion who would deliver Everton out of the shadow of their more successful rivals Liverpool to then walk away. He is pilloried for letting down his country with to many poor performances for England, and then exposed by the tabloids after his reported affair with a prostitute.

For all these sins some fans can forgive but the majority cannot forget. Such has the press hammered on his failings; he’s long lost any quest for redemption. The most he can now muster from fans is a grudging respect for effort and for some outstanding goals.

As a footballer, he is an enigma. He would be on every managers wish list. His skills, his strength, his commitment. They all want a Rooney in their team. Unfortunately  the fans don’t.

Maybe Rooney was a star who peaked to soon. Maybe it’s his surly arrogance the fans don’t like. Or perhaps it’s just because he isn’t in your team. Fans will forgive you anything if you play for them. Look at the devotion Liverpool fans heaped on Luis Suarez.

Sadly, today’s modern footballer is expected to talk as good a game as he’s expected to play it. Personality and good PR are key to a players perception. Maybe that’s where it went wrong for Wayne.

Who knows, If he’d done a little less’ kissing and dissing’  the badge, and a little more kissing the babies, ‘Wayne’s World’ might be a totally different one.

Film Review - Nightcrawler

There's a buzz in Hollywood land that when the awards start being given out next year Jake Gyllenhall will be finding his name in the hat for a prize. 

Gyllenhall who is finally starting to get the attention his talents deserve, gives a mesmerising performance as the creepy Lou Bloom in this modern day allegory on our appetite for 24 hour TV News.

Director Dan Gilroy better known for his screenwriting skills is making his directorial debut with this movie and he handles the step up with great confidence. But credit to Gyllenhall for creating a character (Lou Bloom) that watching him makes you feel uneasy. He plays as a sociopath eager to please and quick to learn, especially when he gets a job as a stringer (a freelance cameraman) chasing the latest local news stories around Los Angeles. 

Our demand for the breaking story with the graphic image is pandered to by the 24 hour news channels, Gilroy exposes not only the cut throat world of local news but the story behind the story chasers. 

The TV station director played by Gilroy's wife Rennee Russo has tapped into the psyche of what we want our news to be. We want it graphic we want it raw and it needs the fear factor. Gyllenhall's character gets it and moves from following the stories to creating them. 

The film is dark and uncomfortable especially when Gyllenhall is in the scene. He really gets under the skin of his character, and it's this quiet controlled portrait of a sociopath, that has won him the plaudits. 

Nightcrawler is a study in the dark under world that Feeds our need news. A Stand out performances from Gyllenhall will surely see him touted as a potential Oscar nominee and don't be surprised if Russo gets the nod for her understated but outstanding supporting role. 

This is a solid thoughtful film that is well worth seeing 

Man Talk 2nd November 2014

Forget about pouring water over your head, the new awareness-raising trend for men is supposed to be all about drawing attention to testicular cancer. However taking a selfie of yourself crotch grabbing, then hashtagging it  #feelingnuts ( there's a joke in there ) isn't the most elegant way of raising awareness

Outrage in toy-land this week when a new slimline Bob The Builder showed up for work. The new Children's TV 'Bob' has had a makeover and some people don't like it. Commentators say the 'new Bob' is too skinny that he looks like he'd over charge and probably be a Ukip voter!

Had to laugh at David Cameron's outrage at being asked to pay a seven billion pound bill to the EU and him complaining about it being to high and not having enough time to pay. Welcome to the real world Mr Prime minister you've obviously never had to deal with Her Majestys Customs and Revenue. 

Mike Bassett the hopeless England manager is to work again, well on film anyway. Ricky Tomlinson is getting his job back and reviving the character for a new film. However after seeing some of Roy Hodgsons performances in front of the camera you wonder if he ever went away 

Heard about the panda that's Been  faking a pregnancy to get more food. The keepers say she got away with it because with pandas,telling if their  pregnant isn't always black or white ha ha ha 

They may not be top dogs for to much longer Those two top male models David Beckham and David Gandy that is, are being challenged by a new young pup on the fashion scene Bodhi, a four-year-old Shiba Inu (that's a breed of dog) also known as Menswear Dog, has over 146,000 followers on Instagram and models everything from suits, to ties and sunglasses. Can't imagine he'd look that great in pair of white thunderpants though 

You can now buy spreadable beer in Italy? Wonder how many sandwiches you can eat before your over the limit 

Japan had urged its citizens to stock up on loo rolls after a volcano threatened to erupt close to its number one toilet paper production plant. I think they'll need more than toilet rolls if that goes off. 

In china you can now buy yourself a virtual girlfriend she contactable 24 7 via your mobile phone. You can choose a personality for your imaginary little miss perfect and the makers promise that she'll always be there for you with comforting little messages or to listen to your complaints, I'm sure when their wives find out they'll be getting their own personalised reality check. 

They say every problem is also an opportunity. Take the Ebola virus for example In the USA some people are treating it as a 'business' opportunity. 'Ebola’- emblazoned t-shirts and bags are selling like hot cakes, Ebola hazard suits are the big sellers for Halloween and there's even an Ebola microbe toy for kids. When one entrepreneur was asked why he was cashing in on the potential global catastrophe he said because like  ‘fashion its infectious’ 

Film Review - Fury

Film Review - Fury 

Starring Brad Pitt directed by David Ayre 

 In 1998  Steven Speilberg changed how we viewed the Second World War with his multi award winning film Saving Private Ryan. From its harrowing portrayal of the D Day landings. To the graphic scenes of death and destruction. The film exposed the grim reality of the horrors of war. 

David Ayre's latest Film 'Fury' continues in that vein with that same raw theme of the intensity and ultimately the futility of battle 

Brad Pitt leads a war weary tank crew in the final trek across Germany   during the final days of world war II. It's a film that lacks any traces of humour or humanity. It shows war at its most brutal. And it paints a picture as scary and as frightening as any horror film. 

Director Ayre has managed to capture the pressure cooker intensity of being under fire in a tank. The opening credits reveal the huge casualties the crews suffered and you quickly become aware of the dangers involved.

Bradd Pitt last foray into battle was in Quentin Tarentino's satirical 'Inglorious Bastards'. This is a far more serious role, and Pitt gives a strong edgy performance as the tanks commander, fighting a war not only with his killing machine, but with his own inner demons hidden from his men by a required hard shell exterior. 

 His rag tag crew make no attempt to conceal their inner fears they are portrayed as physiologically on the edge. And this is only heightened by the  introduction of a new'rookie' crew member played by Logan Leman 

The brutality and cruelty of the allied troops, both in and out of the tank are exposed in one harrowing scene portraying the .'' realities of war  and the image of  the frightened 'newbie' Leman. Being screamed at by Pitt to either 'kill or be Killed' 

'This is is an honest but hard bitten expose of war at its most desperate. The killing fields of Europe are littered with the glorious and some cases inglorious dead. Every inch of ground  that was fought over has its own story. This  film is probably based on some elements of truth  their is suffering and their is inhumanity. The tank crews suffered huge casualties and perhaps that is conveyed in the phsycological tightrope all of the crew of 'Fury' walk 

Their is no feel good factor to a movie like this. It leaves you shell shocked and scared. The final pull back camera shot gives a lasting reminder of the futility and the insignificance of so much  wasted life. The war carries on. The 'Fury' no longer appropriate for the glorious dead  

Footnote : 

In researching for this article I discovered that very little original film

Remains from the original D Day landings Despite the hours of footage filmed. At the end of the day it was all collected to be returned to the appropriate newspapers and film companies for showing. However the officer assigned to deliver these priceless records dropped them all in the sea and they where all ruined. 

The short film which remains was captured by noted war photographer Robert Capa. And is as realistically recreated as possible for the opening credits for Saving Private Ryan 

A gritty dirty depiction of the brutality of war 

Review – Hamlet at the Royal Exchange Theatre Manchester

 

Review – Hamlet starring Maxine Peake at the Royal Exchange Theatre Manchester

 

 

For many Shakespeare is an aquired taste, Its like fine wine or rich food, only really appreciated with age and experience.

 

Perhaps it was being force fed it at school that turned me off the bard. I managed to survive on the Shakespeare for dummies notes. I could get by on a blaggers guide, I was no expert but knew enough to get by.

That was until recently when my apetite for the the bard was wetted, first with a great production of 'Twelfth Night' at the Everyman in Liverpool. And then stumbling across Othello on Sky Arts a few weeks later. Age allows you to appreciate the delicacies and the craft of the writing. The sheer depth and volume of work, once realised makes you appreciate even more the quality of the words.

 

And so it came to pass that we had tickets for what by some, is thought to be Shakespeare's Most challenging and perhaps most famous work Hamlet. The Royal Exchange production had taken the bold decision to cast a woman Maxine Peake in the Lead role. 

Best known for her TV work. She was by any stroke of the imagination a brave decision. This for many actors would be the highlight of their career. She'd said in interviews she was looking for a more challenging woman's role, and she certainly took up the challenge with this role. 

The greats of the theatre have attempted Hamlet with  varying degrees of success, and many a career is remembered for how they performed in the role. 'The oft asked question by theatre critics  'But did you see his Hamlet?' would be one a lot of actors would rather not be answered.

 

I read that Maxine Peake was the first woman to take the role for thirty five years, maybe because the idea of Hamlet being played by a woman may be an issue for some. However in this production, it would quickly be forgotten once she appears on stage. Such is her charisma that the gendre of the 'Prince of Denmark' is imediately forgotten. With her razor short platinum blonde hairstyle and angelic features, she looks every inch the young innocent. Which in a way gives weight to her performance and the tragedy that follows. Not so much a brooding Prince, her Hamlet comes across as a cynical and petulant schooboy. On hearing of the murder of his father it draws out the childish bitterness towards everyone around him.

 

The rest of the cast whilst efficiant and proffesional, mearly play a suppotrting role to Ms Peake. She is the star and in the intimate surroundings of the Royal Exchange Theatre she holds court over the audience. The well known soliliqueys, are met with a light ripple of laughter by the audiences as they are given new breathe. Its the equivalent of hearing a track from someones greatest hits.

 

At three hours plus this a production that sweeps by, for those unacustomed to Shakespeares texts the words quckly take on meaning and understanding, and the staging  park Denmark part Manchester, make it easily understandable to a novice. In the end this 400 year old story comes across as fresh and a triumph of a tradgedy.

 

Maxine Peake's performance lives up to the hype she is stunning both is appearance and in character. And its a production that doesn't dissapoint. If you've been afraid of Shakespeare or feel its 'wordy' this is a production well worthy of its acclaim and one people will be talking about for a long long time 

'Did you see Peake's Hamlet ?' - 'Yes it was brilliant.'

Film Review :- Gone Girl : We need to talk about Amy

Its one of the most anticipated movies of the year. 'Gone Girl' Adapted from The best selling novel by Gillian Flynn. Hit the big screen this week. Ben Afleck and Rosmund Pike took the leads. Afleck is the Hollywood golden boy of the moment. An Oscar winner with Argo and soon to be the next Batman. 

Where as Pike is a newcomer to the heady heights of leading lady status previously best known as a Bond Girl, this  is new territory for her, but after this performance it's a role she should experiencing more often in the near future. 

Director David Fincher takes on the job of transferring this much read and hotly anticipated dark drama from page to screen.

If it ain't broke don't try and fix it. And that appears to be Finchers approach to this film. No twists no turns no re inventions. As a novel it works perfectly well, and as movie it does the same. 

Casting Afleck one of tinsel towns hotest talents and big box office appeal. allowed Fincher to take a gamble on the relatively unknown Pike. And it's paid off. As a character she grows throughout the movie. 

Flynn certainly deserves her title as queen of 'chick noire' This is a story aimed at a female audience. And if book sales are anything to go by they're going love this movie.  And what's not to love. The character Nick is a metaphor for every could care less, selfish, do nothing husband,  and Amy is the woman who secretly the books fans all want to be. She is a liberated woman playing along to the male fantasy whilst secretly plotting his destruction.

Pike plays her role to perfection - dutiful and beautiful. Afleck plays afleck to perfection. Never needing to break out of his acting comfort zoneI. He gets it. He recognises he's not expected to be the hero or carry the film that honour falls to Rosamund Pike. And to some extent the other women in he film. The strong feminist theme, exposes the men as weak and always a step behind the strong female characters. 

 As Amy the not so loving wife her devious plan is deliciously revealed layer by layer.. This a beauty with a beastly plan. Pike  was previously best known for starring opposite Pierce Bossnan In Die Anorher Day, but here she gives a stand out performance, that fully desteves the plaudits. 

After a slow sombre start the film picks up pace once Amy finds her voice. Obviously the film can't go into the finer details of why Amy turned into a bad bad girl. Maybe the author is saving that story for another day. 

Perhaps seeing husband Nick in the loving embrace of model turned actress Emily Ratajakowski certainly didn't help. Emily more widely known for her role in the Robin thicke Pharrell Williams video for Blurred Lines, certainly does her acting credentials no harm with this brief but entertaining cameo. 

In the end, this is a girls on top film. It's from a writing genre aimed at showing women in control.  Despite Amy's crimes in the end you want her to win. Just because her husband is such a wuss. 

It's a film that has a slightly unsatisfactory ending but it does enough to leave you wanting more. 

Gone Girl 2 anyone? 

God only knows - The Beach Boys it's a love hate affair

This years BBC 'Children In Need ' charity single is an all star reworking of the Beach Boys classic 'God Only Knows' I heard it the other day and it reminded me of so many things......

For me the song 'god only knows' brings back all kinds of bitter sweet memories. The 19th century writer Marcel Proust wrote a much discussed novel ' A remembrance of things past' the gist of the story being he bit into a biscuit and it reminded him if lots if things.

My hearing the opening notes of the 'The beach boys classic rekindled a similar moment for me. I loved and hated this song in equal measures. Hated because  it was drilled into my brain from its constant repetition at a supermarket I worked in. And loved  because it was the soundtrack to so many happy memories of what the movies might call 'coming of age' 

This song and the other tracks from the Beach Boys Greatest hits are woven into the fabric of my life, not by choice I might add. But As part of the soundtrack of my wonder years, and as a result,  was unexpectedly the catalyst for my own musical awakening. 

Age 14 I got my first 'Saturday' job. It was collecting the shopping trolleys from the multi story car parks for a large supermarket. This was the mid seventies before iPods MP3 players or even CD players. As a modern 'seventies' shopping hub as well as selling the traditional food and drink it had a large 'homeware' department offering clothes household goods and a selection of  records. Unfortunately the majority of the music available were either never heard of country songs or  the best of compilations. 

The compilations however were of the tribute act variety the 'Top Of The Pops' of the day as performed by various random session singers.  That was all except for one. The Beach Boys Greatest Hits had managed to sneak onto the shelf and it was by the original artist! 

Such was the uniqueness, of this LP ( that's what they used to be called short for 'long player') the manager for a reason I will never know decided that he would dispense with the usual in store 'Musac' and replace it with California's finest. For any weekly shopper in the mid seventies the warming sounds of such classics as  'I get around' 'Sloop john B' and 'Good Vibrations' provided a cheery background to the  supermarket drudge. An hour at most of the Beach Boys could be tolerable even to those with the most selective of musical tastes. However multiply that hour by eight sometimes ten. then by the number of days worked per week that summer five. You too may find that the songs become stamped in your memory. 

This was the for runner to the ear worm. Those Brian Wilson falsetto riffs and close harmonies played on repeat. Was a torture worthy of a CIA black operation.  If to much sugar can kill your taste buds. To much Beach Boys can have an equivalent effect on your own musical tastes. 

' in the Summer 1976 when the Surf sound was at its zenith after a long long day of helping 'Rhonda' and her ' little Deuce Coup' a strange thing happened. I had what you might call a sort of musical revelation. 

Switching on TV one night I witnessed a local News Reporter Tony Wilson introducing his new TV show 'So It Goes' 

The groups and the noise they were making was like some bolt from the musical blue. These Boys where not from the beach, and they didn't have tans they were white pasty and English, in pinned mismatched clothes singing about 'dis- harmony'. I couldn't believe it. That sunny surf beach music that had been brainwashing me all summer was 'wiped-out'  by a 'NewWave' of raw edgy music Jonny Rotten was the antithesis of Brian Wilson. Punk Rock was the evil opposite of the California sound. It was like a musical awakening. Let's be clear it wasn't good it wasn't sing along to stuff,but it was different  you could never compare the two genres, 

So in some 'proustian' fashion hearing the now classic Beach Boys song it reminded me of The Sex Pistols and the Dammed. I remember seeing Elvis Costello on the First Stiff Tour. On buying a cassette of the Jam called 'In the City'  and playing it in the car with my mates and someone complaining ' what's this shit? Get it off' 

So Thank you Brian Wilson for A remembrance of things past 'God only knows where I'd be without you....'

The BBC Children In Need charity record 'God only Knows' is available to download now 

Book review - Going To Sea In A Sieve

Award-winning broadcaster Danny Baker’s first novel is a stroll down his own personal memory lane. Now an award-winning radio presenter, his back catalogue covers the glam rock scene, the birth of Punk rock, the heyday of music journalism, and the start of ‘yoof’ TV. It’s a flavour of his part in it all, and like a late 70’s Zelig he bares witness to the events.

This is not so much a book it's a bloke down the pub after a sinking a few and regaling you with a few choice tales from his early years. 

It's a book with a voice, you here Bakers cockney drawl in every line. And doesn't he tell a good story. 

He is no pub bore at the back end of the night crying into his beer and saying where did it all go wrong. No this is Baker after a few liveners casting back his memory and saying,  'Remember this..... Good times'

Now an award winning radio presenter his back catalogue covers the glam rock scene the birth of Punk rock the heyday of Music Journalism and the start of 'yoof' TV Its a flavour of his part in it all and like a late 70's Zelig he bares whiteness to it all 

 Bakers had that rarest of things for a successful life story a happy childhood.  I'm sure it's not what the publishers wanted I bet they put up with the first few chapters, thinking it'll all go wrong in the end. We can wait, and wait , and wait.....and they'll still be waiting because in this story Baker has managed to create page after page of what was a happy family life with a standout dad who is a lager than life character drawn out so well you just want to know more about.  

If Your looking for a hard luck story filled with tales of my struggle, my dysfunctional family and life filled with misery and pain. Then this is not the book for you. 

This a book filled with warmth love and a celebration of life, luck and opportunities. 

He is the much envied lucky man, and he doesn't pull no punches on celebrating that achievement He celebrates being in the right place at the right time and and is firmly of the opinion he has a cup that has always been half full. 

I can imagine its a book he wrote with a smile on his face as every episode has that gentle glow of a happy life. Even the bad times and yes he had a few are doused out in a few lines. Why dwell on those awkward hitches along the way when their is so much to be thankful for. 

Born in Bermondsey in the late 50's. Not quite a child of the sixties but of an age to appreciate its significance particularly in the chosen love of his life music. 

Through chance and opportunity his first job was in a record store in the West End, the then musical heartland of  the early 70s glam music scene dropping names such as Elton John and Marc Bolan and an early encounter with a newly signed Queen introduced us to his musical heritage. 

Thie late 70's were a time of great musical change and again through good fortune he found himself at the heart of the Punk New Wave explosion and began mixing with such bands as The Sex Pistols and The Clash. 

All these early encounters and anecdotes paint a full and interesting life. And he was still only in his early 20' And so it goes on his experiences as journalist with the NME his first forays into Television his first failed marriage. Nothing is over analysed or tinged with regret it's all presented as a statement of fact. 

If your looking  a flaw it's this lack of depth, self analysis or angst. It would appear he doesn't regret a thing. He's taken the hand he was dealt and as skillfull as any poker player has mastered the bluff. 

What comes through in this book is a man filled with confidence and whit and player who knows how to use that cockney charm to its full effect you can take the boy out of Bermondsey. But the skill is to never stop being the Bermondsey boy.

Man talk 17th October 2014

 

 

So whats your view on Locker room ettiquette? Did you know  their was a code of behaviour? I read this week that the do's and don't of a gym changing room have all been formalised for Metrosexual man. 

From dress code, ( Who knew their was a no socks in the shower rule!) to when and where to wear a towel. And to remember you don't hog the shower. And of course, don't make puddles. And finally remember what get said in the locker room stays in the locker room. And my favourite don't be an exhibitionist..... You know what I'm taking about!  

 

Perhaps all this showing off of our bodies accounts for the statistic this week that one in seven men regularly have their body hair waxed. Think about it next time your watching the magnificent 7

 

What does the aging construction billionaire Richard Linger see in the 24year old playboy model Cathy Scmitz, who he married this week. It'll never last...

 

Beware the fat finger! One stockbroker in Japan accidentally pressed the wrong button when carryng out a transaction last week and lost over £380 billion's worth of business. He blamed it on his over sized digit.

 

Just so you know... An idiot is someone whith an IQ of between 0-25 whilst an imbecile is someone who's IQ is between 26-50, make sure you get your facts right before you start brandishing the insults.

 

I heard this week that the Met office is to begin producing a daily weather forcasts for the sun, that's the planet, the big shinty thing in the sky Sun. I think I can save them a lot of money. Here's my weather forcast for the sun for today and all next week Hot! And if your planning on going wear sunscreen. And you can use this forcast for the forceable future as well..Scorchio!!!!

 

Don't panic... there is to be a Dad's Army movie out next year, and some people are up in arms. Saying its sacrilidge, and that we shouldn't spoil the memory of a TV institution.  Stupid boys!!!

 

Moving on from the ice bucket challenge. The latest awareness campaign for men is called #feelingnuts and its features celebrities grabbing their crotches., its  to raise awareness of testicular cancer.

 

How to save water. Pee in the shower, or thats what students in Norfolk are being asked to do to save flusing the toilet and so save water. I thought most of them

Did that anyway. Some might call not flushing lazy and disgusting they might say their just trying to save the planet.

Other planet saving ideas for conscientious students only wash the dishes once a week. maybe use the washing machine in a month with 28 days in it.