Man Talk 27th May 2014

So how do you like your super hero's regular or super sized? Seems like there's controversy in the super hero world over how Ben Afleck looks in his role as the new Batman or should that be Fatman. It appears the caped crusader has bulked up and it's not to everyone's liking. But wouldn't a bigger  Bruce Wayne be more in keeping with our own ever growing girths. Perhaps our other favourite mighty men could embrace their bigger bodies with a larger more weight appropriate alter ego maybe the Hulk could become the Bulk and Spider-Man could add a few pounds and become 'wider-man' or maybe it's time for a new kind of superhero pizza man delivering faster than a speeding bullet or your money back  

Maybe someone need to have a word with the headmaster who was in the news this week after he changed the school hours to start later to fit in with  his students who like to stay up late. All very 'down with kids' but I can't imagine future employers will be as accomodating do you? 

. A town in the American mid west has made it an offence to wear low slung pants. So be careful If your travelling way out west. Get caught hanging and they punish you by stringing you up!

How do you feel about a personnel shoppers for guys? Top Shop in London have just introduced the service. Not sure How many of us would feel comfortable with another man picking out our wardrobe or telling us We look good in blue or that this colour drains you. And I'm sure Barbara wouldn't like if I went home and told her, that my personal stylist john told me it looks good on me! 

Poor YaYa Toure feelings got hurt because his team Manchester City didn't show him enough love on his birthday now he wants to leave. Sometimes paying a player hundreds of thousands of pounds a week just isn't enough.  

Shock news - Donald Trumps revealed in an interview that his hair is real! He chooses to wear it  in that style and he likes it! And in other 'the Donald'( that's how he likes to be known by the way!) news he has his own brand of aftershave - yes you too can cover yourself in the great smell of trump all day long!   - Well it works for him!

Do you suffer from "Busy Life Syndrome" its a real disorder, the symptoms are forgetfulness and lack of concentration. Doctors say more and more of us are suffering from it and one of the main causes is taking in too much daily information - yikes!! Could be me! Could be you? Experts say you can start the healing by putting down the newspaper and switching off the TV, the IPad and your phone, ....  If your like me you'll be going cold turkey at just the thought of it. Another one of those things that are easier said than done, don't think i like the idea of being busy doing nothing 

Man Talk 6th April 2014

 

 

 

 

My first car was a Morris Minor I bought it at the auctions On West Derby road, and I paid £100 for it. I was atracted to it by the colour It was petrol blue, and then it hooked me in when I saw that it had a starting handle in case I ever had a problem getting her going. I loved that car. I tell you this after my friend had a rant at me this week for not being able to give him chapter and verse on the pro's and con's of my latest car, which he was considering buying. Sorry but I glaze over when ever anyone talks to me about mileage horse power or performance. I would rather stick pins in my eyes than watch Clarkson and co, gush about getting from nought to fifty in blah blah bah seconds. A car  used to be things you could look after and even fix. You used to be able to change things like the plugs the points, even the fan belt. But these days?  Have you ever lifted the bonnet? All thats there, is what looks like a big suitcase, nothing to see, do or change anymore. You have to leave it to the 'experts', and it costs you an arm and a leg if they have to fix it. So why did I buy my current car? Unfortunately it didn't have a starting handle, but it did have other little gadgets like bluetoothe and a nice little camera that shows you when your reversing, oh and I liked the colour!

 

Talking of cars, The Formula One season has just started, and all those 'petrolheads' are complaining because the cars aren't noisey enough! Seems like as well as the smell of petrol and burning rubber, the fans want noise. They travel so fast these days how else would they know when they come charging past.

 

The guy who won all that money on the Euromillions lottery last week said he was going to buy a fleet of high performance cars, which is code for 'fast cars'. Now can anyone expain to me why anyone would want to spend gazillions of pounds on these high speed beasts of the road that can travel at hundreds of miles an hour when the speed limit at best is seventy? Money and sense the two don't seem to go together

 

Pst.. wanna buy a fence? Who knew their was a black market in fence panels since the storms, their like gold dust apparantley.

 

Gary Neville a sex symbol? Can you believe Hollywood beauty Keira Knightley thinks that the former Manchester United Full back is 'amazing'. I think all that Chanel number 5 must be going to her head that or she's drinking the stuff!

 

Ever fancied yourself as the next Peter Jones or Duncan Banatyne, deciding who you'll favour with your cash. Well now you too can be a Dragon, well of sorts. Websites such as Kickstarter offer you the opportunity to invest if projects films or inventions. Crowd funding as its called gives small time investors the opportunity to be part of potentially big opportunities. Check out the website and decide if 'YOUR IN', but be careful even big time dragons get burned sometimes.

 

How cool is this Bayern Munich don't have a number telve in their team. Because they say their fans are their twelveth man! Great PR whatever

 

Did you know that 'Penthraphobia' is the fear of mother in laws!    

 

Lets talk about death baby...Wonder how long before Liverpool opens its first 'Death Cafe' Becomming big in London, these pop up nights are get togethers to chat about all things death talking points include cremation or burial? What would songs would you like played at your funeral   and what would you have on your tombestone. Its not a first date kind of place is it.

 

So the big show everyone is talking about on Broadway is Rocky the Musical, It may include all your favourite hits from the boxing saga, but unlike the boxing fairytail that where it ends. The show is taking a right beating from the critics describing it in boxing terms as  tierd, leggy with punch drunk acting  and no knockout performances, ding ding! I expect they'll throw the towel in pretty shortly.

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Man Talk 14th February 2014

 

 

 

Is the love of your life a member of the 'Happy Wives Club'. If the answer is no then I bet you wish you could sign her up. This latest 'self help' bestseller from America would be music to most husbands ears. Don't nag, be grateful, never critisise, and dedicate your life to keeping your man happy, are just some of the suggestions, that the author, a women  by the way thinks would create a more harmonious relationship. Now maybe in the U S of A this kind of homespun advice goes down well but on the meanstreets of Liverpool I fear the worst. Buy this book at your peril

 

A report this week claimed if you want get yourself noticed get yourself a hat. They used the example of Pharrell Williams of 'Happy' fame, Now if you've seen Pharrel's hat you know why he's getting lots of attention its like something a Canadian Mountie would wear only twice the size. Wearing a hat like that would certainly get you noticed it would also cause lots of amusement in fact seeing somenone walking down the street in a silly hat like his would certainly make me 'Happy'  

 

A dating website has revealed that the perfect girlfriend is a Manchester United fan, Do you think that means she's frustrated after being dumped by an older man has high expectations but low self esteem and has seen better days.  

 

Is their any greater leveler in life that a sauna. How better to sort out lifes ill's than a room full of semi naked men sitting around sweating and discussing the burning issues of the day. The tube strike the weather, and who's going finsih higher Everton or Liverpool. All discussed debated and commented upon amidst a head of steam and vapour.

 

I have never been a wine lover, I've always thought of it of inferior rusty water. But this week I put all my predjudices aside and went to a wine tasting event at Il Forno restaurant in Duke street. And whilst I mightn't be converted, I have to say i've gained a better appreciation of a full bodied red, or the subtle bouquet of an Italian white. And I've realised why I didn't like wine – Australian Doc doesn't count and I only ever drank the cheap stuff!      

 

Couldn't believe this week when I heard that they put a baby Giraffe down in a zoo in denamark then fed him to the Lions. They blamed lack of space, but as one kind local soul wrote on twitter - 'can't believe they killed that Girrafe, I would have taken him in.'

 

I liked what the editor of Vanity Fair magazine said this week, in reply to Gwyneth Paltrow who is having an ongoing feud with mag. She asked how she cou;ld make herself more likeable. He said how about putting on 15lbs. just a joke or words of wisdom.

 

 

Man Talk 26th January 2014

 

 

They used to say 'every girl's crazy about a sharp dressed man', The twist this year is all the girls are crazy about grizzly looking tough guys in tuxes. The rough look is definitely in. Celebrities such as Jared Leto and Joaquin Phoenix have  rejected looking fresh and sparkly in favour of 'beardy', mean and moody. Think less Frank Sinatra, more Frank Gallagher from Shameless.  The current crop of 'flavour of the month' male Hollywood 'A' listers have adopted the wild man tamed for the night as their signature  look.  And yes they may have visited the salon but it wasn't for a haircut it was for a hair up. They've made the man-bun the hairstyle of the moment. rough and ready but with a stylists twist is definitely the hot look in tinsel town.   

 

It was reported this week that fine dining is dead, going out for a meal these days is all about the nosh not the posh, I blame Jamie Oliver 

 

One pump or two, turns out men just don't know when to stop when it comes to

applying their deodorant And heres the news boys, a survey this week says 80% of

girls don't like it They say its sickly and overpowering, more soap less splash

seems to be the message

 

So now we know the majority of comedians have psychological problems a survey

has found and how do we greet this news? we laugh at them!!

 

Stupidest argument of the week – who cut David Cameron's hair, believe it or not

some barbers are arguing over who can take credit for the PM's barnet! Order

order please gentlemen!!!

 

Instead of celebrating the best of cinema isn't nice to see awards the recognise

some of the awfulness we've had the misfortune to sit through over the last

twelve months, 'The Razzies' or the alternative oscars, celebrating the worst films of the year were announced this week. Those nominated included such epic fails as The Lone Ranger, After Earth and the dreadful Grown Ups 2. Blcokbusters that have given X rated a whole new meaning.

 

I've seen most of the contenders for this years best film Oscar, and I have to

say head and shoulders above them all is American Hustle. Christian Bale

deserves an Oscar just for his master class in how to construct a combover.

 

A man is suing a popular toothpaste company for false advertising after he

failed to score himself a girlfriend despite cleaning his teeth every day.! He

says the product failed to live up to its claim to boost confidence and

attractiveness and said all the rejection from women  caused him mental

suffering. Obviously he's lost his ring of confidence.

 

 

 

Man Talk 9th March 2014

 

Ever fancied wearing a cape you know the kind of thing the super hero's all wear. Well if you where at London fashion week ( anybody go?) you would have seen that capes are being touted as the hot number for men next Autumn Winter. Now I don't mind saying but the idea of wearing a cape leaves me a little cold. ( litterally!) I mean what is the purpose? Apart from if you want to make yourself stand out as a superhero, or unless your feeling chivelerous and want avoid a lady having to walk through a puddle. I'm afraid this is one fashion idea that just isn;'t going to fly.

 

Other trends from the mens shows included what could best be described as donkey jacket, perfect if your working outside and want to get noticed. Leather pants, these should only be worn if your planning on riding a motorbike, or a John Bon Jovi tribute act. Or my favourite the three piece camouflage suit ideal if you just want to blend into the background.

 

Maybe if your in a fashion frame of mind you may also like to get yourself a indoor hat, Yes some fashion bod has designed a hat especially to wear around the house. Now isn't that just what every man needs.  

 

If you ever thought those models on the front cover of Sports Illustrated magazine all look plastic well now you've been proved right. Barbie is the cover girl for the prestigious swimsuit edition. A more suitable model it would be difficult to find.

 

Perhaps whilst your relaxing in your mancave in your indoor hat you may want light up a man candle. Yes candle designes specifically for men are now available. Relaxing in the burning glow of a candle smelling of petrol or bacon or every mans favourite pencils!

 

Arm pit hair for women is supposed to be a trend, anyone else think the idea of the 'pit-fro' is a bit, well  not naural!

 

Are you like me bored with all the se movie awards. Every week theirs another one and a press pack shouting out the same old pointless questions as the stars shmooze down the red carpet  'so who are you wearing?' How about instead of listing all those designer names someone throew a spanner in the works and replied, Its second hand or I don't know I borrowed it or check the label for me or how my favourite Primark! Well at least it would be something most people could relate to or maybe even go out and buy!

 

Somebody said to me last week aren't you that fella from Sunday Echo, it took me back a bit and so  rather embarrasingly I faked a laugh and said no that's not me, The shame of it. Now I know how Saint Peter felt!

 

Man Talk 16th January 2014

There's an art to growing a beard which sadly I haven't got  if your a celebrity your facial growth is supposed to reflect your character, no surprises then that Jamie Noonan  star of the new 50 shades of grey has designer stubble David Beckhams latest  face fur is a manly Maine whilst prince Harry just back from the Antarctic has cultivated a rugged macho grizzled look. I'd love to have any of the above but seems like fate has left me with a stark choice of two which I can take a stab at, there's the wolf of wall streets star Leonardo Di Caprio's weasley goatee which he seems to favour but I think looks just a little bit seedy or the Christian Bale American hustle face fuzz.as neither are very appealing looks like it's carry on shaving - next week it's the age old dilemma of wearing a hat yes or no? 

Presents I could have received for Christmas but didn't - A pee indicator this handy little chart is fixed above he toilet bowl and charts what colour healthy pee should be after all who knew  straw coloured is healthy whilst clear pee indicates you've drank to much water and amber or honey coloured means your dehydrated and finally red means see a doctor think of it as your own 50 shades of urine 

A recent report claimed  that sweaty men are more creative. It's worth pointing out the report said sweaty which is not an excuse for not washing 

Things I'm tiered of hearing so far this year - I'm  only having a salad or these protein shakes are really filling. Yes diets and detox are the talk of-the town I feel the peer pressure to join I'm resisting for the moment. 

Fad diet of  the week - the breatherian diet - it's a diet of fresh air nothing else. Well at least it's cheap! 

Men's underwear sales were up 20% over Christmas the designer names such as Beckham Renanoldo and now model David Gandy are cornering the market. It's getting so popular Selfridges has it's own pants wall but the big question we all want to know is  what makes the perfect pants ? Butt lift says Gabbana of Dolce & Gabbana - so now you know 

Lewis smith lost his beer belly from over Christmas through high intensity excersizing for just 10 minutes a day - what every day! P

Man Talk 9th February 2014

 

OK, so how many of you have a 'Grudge list'? Never heard of it? No neither had I until last week, when I read that Hillary Clinton is a big fan. She likes to keep a record of all those people who have crossed her over the years, Obviously she likes the idea of revenge being a dessert best served cold, because she says some of the names go back a long long time. and who'd want to be on that list, especially as she's a serious contender to be the next President of the USA. If I were husband Bill or his old intern friend Monica Lewinski I'd be afraid, very afraid!

 

When I heard somebody talking about a new Supergroup being formed the other day I thought of all the musical legends who could have been involved,  maybe Springsteen on lead  Elton John on piano and perhaps Jagger fronting it. Imagine my disappointment on hearing that  this 'supergroup', with a small 's' was being put together for ITV2's The Big Reunion show. They have clubbed together a hotch potch of british talent with a small 't' including 'The One and Only' (hit) Chesney Hawkes, Gareth Gates a random from Five the leg-end that is Kensie from Blazing Squad and 'big' Dean Bowers to form the future musical powerhouse '5th Story'. Which is where a lot of music fans will be jumping from if they ever become popular.

 

Gents, this is your fiveday warning -  Valentines Day is Friday, and in case your wondering what you can give the love of your life without it costing you an arm and a leg. How about this pearl of wisdom I came across this week. Researchers on popular daytime TV programme This Morning have found that the key to happy marriage is spending time apart. Obviously Friday wouldn't be the best day to start, but the GM experts say try and spend more time away from each other. I didn't catch the bit that said how much time days, weeks months? But  a bit of space is all most women want, and any complaints about you not being around much just blame it all on Phil and Holly. After all don't they say absence makes the heart grow fonder 

 

The key to a happy marriage is as comedian Jim Davidson and now Celebrity Big Brother winner, reminded us this week is what you do for each other,.He said there's nothing I wouldn't do for her and there's nothing she wouldn't do for me, so we spend our lives doing nothing for each other. That joke was severely edited for a family paper.

 

You really don't want to get on the bad side of an ex. A dumped wife got her revenge this week by taking her former partner to court. Claiming she had given him a life saving kidney and now that they are no longer together she wants it back. Maybe she should ask for interest as well perhaps his spine!

 

So 'Short man syndrome' does exist, researchers have found that below average height men are paranoid, distrustful and generally get more angry more easily. I bet some short men having read this will be furious tearing up the paper and calling the findings rubbish – But what else would you expect, its in their genes!

Wouldn't you love the luxury of being able to blame a dodgy haircut on your job Brad Pitt has been seen all over Hollywood this week with a very severe Barnet, lucky old  Brad, he always has the excuse it's for a film. I suppose it's one of the perks of having a 'bradhair' day 

 

 

 

     

Man talk 24th march 2014

 

 

Is their anything more uncomfortable than talking to a man wearing a wig? I Had that awkward  experience the other day, Its like the 'Medussa effect' your scared to look them in the eye in case you turn to stone. And if you do make eye contact your gaze is drawn up to his hair, it's like a magnet you can't help yourself. 

 Especially  if it's a bad one and it's really noticeable, thats when you have your  awkward where do I look moment

 

The thing is You can't help but think there's something dodgy about a man in a wig, but the big question is what's worse a man in a bad wig or a man with a Bobby Charlton combover?  Or how about going even more extreme - The man who paints his head with coloured hairspray, I often  remember seeing a man around town with what looked like shoe polish smeared over his bonce I think he thought it would disguise his bald patch,but all it did was give him a shiny head, and on sunny days he'd have streaks, it was not a good look. Vanity is the main reason men persist in this most unsocial of cover ups, we all want to look forever young and for some that starts by having a good head of hair. Unfortunately a  mismatched  ill fitting wig can leave you looking like the bear on the Muller Rice advert......rice rice baby, is not nice nice baby 

 

Can you believe scientists are boasting about unearthing a million year old virus, what are they doing! haven't they seen any of those films! Get ready to pack up and head for the hills.

 

The Monocle is being touted as the new must have. The fashionistas say we should all embrace the trend for the single eye glass as favoured by toffs and Lord Snooty in the comics . If you haven't got yourself one already next time your in town, maybe keep your eye out for one.

 

Do you suffer from 'text kneck'? Its a condition more and more of us are prone to and is keeping Chiropractors in business. The symptoms are back kneck and shoulder pain, the problem is caused by the hunched position we adopt when walking around messaging on our phone.

 

Other medical news getting angry makes you 5 times more likely to have a heart attack, facts like that make my blood boil.... ooh hang on!

 

A back packer survived in the Australian wilderness for 18 days by just eating flys. On first hearing this I thought wow, then I thought have you seen the size of some of those things. As big as small birds. I'm not surprised he survived he probably put on weight!

 

A man was slammed this week for tattooing his dog. Whilst i'm not in favour of inking your pets  I get this picture of bull dog strutting down the road proudly showing off  his 'tats'

 

Don't forget its mothers day next week, so get your mum something nice, and don't forget to spoil your mother in law too. And if your ever in Denmark don't make the mistake of ever telling your wife she is uglier than her mother its a crime and punishable with a year in prision. If you do the crime you'll do the time.

Man Talk 20th April 2014

More of my urban ramblings....

 

 

Be honest we'd all like to dress like Harry Styles. But when you hear those words 'Put that back your to old'  well its like a knife to the heart. Its gotten to the point now where Barbara doesn't even use words its,I only have to look at something she considers not my age apropriate and she let her feelings be known with a simple but very cutting 'tut'. The Peter Pan in me want to wear the latest skinny jeans, to wear flash colours and to have my top shirt button fastened. Unfortunatley the killer words 'slim fit' are there for a reason, I find i'm wearing fashion in revers these days top button on my shirt fasttend bottom button open. Saddly Its called a belly button for a reason.

 

Must have been a cold day when David Beckham did the photoshoot for his latest swimwear collection . As they say time and tide waits for no man and looking at the photo's he doesn't look half the man he used to be. Not so much 'goldenballs' as golden ollies  

 

Did you see the story last week about the  'Witch doctor' who told one of his gulible followers that as part of a magic spell he was casting on him, amongst other things he had to allow a Hynea to eat his genitals. Speaking from hospital where he was recovering, he said he was promised that if he did it he would become rich! Can you believe that? And I bet the Hyena said he just did it for a laugh!

 

If you lived in America and where thinking of re-loacting what would be your biggest consideration? Well one estate agent thinks they know, - Where would you be safe from a zombie appocolypse? Top 3 places to avoid are Washington DC, New Jersey and Mississippi. Safest places to live are Colorado Wyoming and Alaska. You may want to take  into consideration when booking a holiday, Florida is high on the places to avoid list also.

 

Sixty is the new Forty. Survey shows that as we approach this milestone age we become more creative. Bowie, McCartney and other music legends such as Bobby Womack and Tom Jones are said to be  producing their best work in decades. Bowie for example has won the Mercury Prize and his latest album is being hailed as a classic. Golden years they certainly are.

 

Don't slouch, sit up straight, and turn that light out, thats not your mother barking out the orders its your mobile phone, where one of the latest trends in 'apps' is for 'nag-tech' its predicted to be the next big thing. Now do as your told and download some.

 

Man Talk 2nd May 2014

A survey this week found that most men keep the same underwear for six years. I decided to check on my own collection and came to the conclusion doesn't time fly! Looks like grey is the new black as far as my y fronts are concerned. So why are we so reluctant to throw them away? I mean they all can't be 'lucky' maybe it's the comfort factor the relaxed way they fit. Barbara took one look at my own version of fifty shades of grey and summed up the sorry looking pile in one sentence. ' You can do better than that.'And so with a heavy heart they were assigned to the dust bin of life. I toyed with the idea of offering them to the charity shop but Barbara assured me nobody is that hard up! 

I read this week that men  are spending nearly as much as women on clothes. Now some observers might read into that that we boys are becoming more stylish I beg to differ when football shirts are selling at ninety pound at a time and one of the richest men in  Britain owns a sports chain I'm not seeing much evidence of a style revolution more of race to buy the latest track suits and trainers 

I've heard of proto type cars and bikes but never prototype pizzas until this week that is. Just putting out there to gauge reaction one American pizza company is looking for ways to reinvent the pizza and increase sales it's trailing pizza cake a layered pizza that looks like a cake. Or how about pizza flavoured mints and air fresheners so you've always got the great smell of pepperoni hanging around. Or my favourite a pizza shirt with insulated v shaped pockets so you need never be without a warm cheesy snack. 

With the football season drawing to a close well all be looking for alternatives sports to while away  the long lost summer days . How about a game of chess ? Yes the most sedate of sports is going big time with million dollar tournaments in Las Vegas and pro celebrity competitions attracting big crowds  Or how about  hip hop chess, a mix of music chess with a martial arts fusion, Don't know if their are any local clubs or tournaments you'll have to check  (mate)!l

What age do you turn into your dad? The experts have worked it out and say it's 38 in case you're worried check how many of these boxes you are ticking. You have your own chair which you often fall asleep in. You enjoy mowing the lawn, and you are spending  a lot more time in the toilet. And the clincher-you blame all that rubbish they play on the radio these days for the fact you're  a terrible dancer!

Man Talk 19th May 2014

 

 

Here's this weeks urban ramblings......

 

Dressing to get themselves noticed usually refers to someone wearing some outrageous fashion statement   or maybe they've overdone it on the make up tattoos and piercings. So it was so refreshing to spot someone who had definitely made the effort walking through town the other day, The guy was wearing a shirt, tie, smart suit and topped it off with a trilby! Talk about looking the business,  The man was seriously dressing to impress! It was a look right off the Frank Sinatra cool for cats playlist and there he was walking through Liverpool City centre without a care in the world, Take a bow that man I thought. The style mags would describe the guy as a dressing like a  'YUM' or a 'young urban male' the main characteristics being a rockin' beard great dress sense and a swagger. I said to Barbara I wish I could carry off that kind if look. She looked me up and down then said, my dress style was not so much a 'YUM' more like a BUM case closed.

 

In case you want to know the man with the most influential haircut in Britian is not Harry Styles or David Beckham, Its Ricki Hall. Ricki who? You may say, well he's the male model of the moment rugged tattoos and a beard but with a sensible swept back gentlemens hairstyle, that a lot people seem to like.

May help win the Eurovision Song Contest but Don't think The beardy look for girls will intentionally catch on in Liverpool. 

 

If you remember the legend who was Frank Sidebottom you'd know he came from Timperly just outside Manchester, He did not come from the American mid-west.So why anyone would make a film called 'frank' and then try and re invent the man with a huge paper mache head as anything other than a 'Manc' is beyond me. Sacrilidge does not go nearly far enough in describing this crime.

 

Thank god Metalica are headlining Glastonbury, Couldn't think of anything worse than standing in a muddy field head banging. And for once I won't be whining on for the weekend saying 'we should go, we should go....'

 

How long does it take for a mans world to fall apart watching Bear Grylls new series The Island the answer is about half an hour. All Sun Sand Sea and chaos. Half of them look like they want to start crying and shouting for their mum. One question Why do it?

 

What is it they say winning isn't everything. So imagine playing for the football team that lost 31- 0 or the Wirral cricket team all out for 3. No tears they picked themselves up dusted themselves down and started all over again. Some people need to take note, what is they say its only a game....